Thursday, September 20, 2007
I'm quite unhappy now.
1. I still feel like i'm not included in his life.
For one thing, He keeps saying he wants to do stuff together, but he doesn't make the effort to at all. During summer he promised to bring me sky-diving this fall, but it hasn't happened. He said we could travel together during reading days/thanksgiving break, but when i asked him to sign up for the whitewater rafting trip with me, he decided to do some other business thing. Then this saturday, there's hang-gliding, which i would LOVE to go for. He got on the trip, coz he's a driver, but he didn't offer to bring me along and laughed when i said i was on the waitlist. In fact, he'd probably rather that I not be there so he can have more fun on his own. He's all talk and no action... It disgusts me.
2. He's not interested in my life.
He doesn't make the effort to call me, or talk to me. Sure he does things like fetch me back from ballroom at midnight because he feels like its his duty as a bf to do so, but not because he misses me or just wants to see me/spend time with me. He's completely indifferent to what I do. His excuse for all that would be that he wants me to be independent and do what i want to do, but there's independence, and then there's indifference and laziness. Two (or three) different things. Unfortunately he's the latter two.
I know he's busy, but heck so am i! But i still try to call him after class or during break or before I sleep, even though he's always either sleeping or too busy to talk. That basically sums up to: he's not interested in talking (not liking to talk on the phone is not a good reason). Talking is spending time to be together even when you can't be physically together, which translates into not wanting to spend time together. Honestly, I'm not on his list of priorities. I've never been. He thinks he's a good boyfriend, but he's not. It's more than what you do, it's how you do it and why you do it that also counts.
Ning asked me how I find the patience to put up with him as a bf. I said it's cause i love him, so I try. Well, the less he tries, the less I would want to try. So much for all his vaunted talk about knowing what you want (a LT relationship in this case) and putting in the effort to make it work. If this goes on, I'm not sure I can last the year, much less the lifetime.
On a different note, You Yi called to say he hates me (again) and that he never wants me in his life ever again. Yet he bought me a book (that i've been looking for for ages) on Amazon and shipped it to me without saying a thing about it. I think I'll buy him that Casio watch i was looking at in return. He keeps telling me how stupid I am and I agree every time! Haha. Yes, you yi can and will happily make me happy for the rest of my life by anticipating my every need, but he's not perfect either. I'm perfectly fine with him being emotional, but I'm not fine with his inability to cope with his emotions.
Sigh whatever. You yi's the past. The future is in God's hands.
6:46 AM