Saturday, July 31, 2004
Mmmmm..... i love Ella Enchanted... very nice..... *smiles beautifically* mmmm... can't wait to watch the movie, think i shall go tomorrow *smiles again* don't you just love happy endings??? *flits upon an airy cloud* mmmmm.... so sweet :) :) :) :) i'm such an escapist (if tt's what u call it), reading books to experience that which i cannot find in real life. or maybe that's just fantasizing rather than escaping *thinks*. but i do read as a release as well; whenever i feel stressed i'd either eat or read (usually both!) and it generally makes me feel better :) loves to read =)
mood: quietly contented/ satisfied
this mood would prob change if i talked abt my disc profile so i won't! ;) ahhhh~ saw li today! *BIG smile* :D happyish. so fun being with her *hugs li* miss you lots! saw lots of our ex-classmates (sec4) at the scholarship thinggy as well! pamela, grace, jen chng, jennani, miriam, ambika, laura, xiao hui... qi qiong? yep, quite a number of them :) so nice to see familiar faces... we really aught to have a class gathering! who'd arrange it tho, and when? i suppose i might, after A's, if i ever get around to it :P such a procrastinator i am~ haha. was hoping aimee would do it but...? maybe she will, wait and see! lalala~
feel like reading more 'happy ending' books :) :) perhaps i shall. Perfect by Judith MacNaught is sitting on my bed, just waiting to be read! mayhap i'd oblige it ;)
Bryan (one of the other guys in the dance class who can dance) wasn't there today... Glenn (the teacher) demo'ed this step called "Step 70", which we're not learning but which uses all the steps we have learnt so far so philbert n i tried it. hammerlock turn, spin back out, half-back step turn thinngy (can't describe it n can't rmbr the name), guy turns as well (sort of?), brings the girl's hand upon the back of his neck in a sleek movement sort of like dipping the head under and coming up in a full body wave, then finishes with a closed hold basic. quite ok but he (phb) didn't really get it so i was thinking that bryan could have done it better. still, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence :p
Friends are the pillars on your porch. Sometime they hold you up, sometimes they lean on you, and sometimes it's just enough to know that they are standing by :)
9:40 PM
Friday, July 30, 2004
............................................... i am so tired i can't even be pissed. so that leaves me with stress and irritation. and to think i was looking forward to this night. so pissed off... bah. can't be bothered to bitch. bah.
11:43 PM
Thursday, July 29, 2004
OMG! this is SO lame!!! have you ever heard of a blog post generator??????????? i mean, what's the POINT of a blog post generator *sneeringly disgusted* look at this one!
I really do not care for my aunt Tasha. Sometimes she is very difficult to handle, and a couple of days ago she just disturbed me... I asked for her years of training thinking about homosexuality among Japanese schoolgirls, and then she began yelling:
"Dude! If I hear another thing about Japanese schoolgirls I'm going to shoot somebody!"
At first I began yelling "OH MAN!" then this morning I just shut up and started grinding my teeth. After all, she *is* my aunt and I need to make this work...
Link of the day: All Your Oil... Randomly generated by Flooble Instant Blog Post Generator
here's another...
Last week my sister and I were writing an essay about love in the coming decades. We were quite disgusted by the whole thing, so we asked my friend Tasha about it, and she was like:
"Dude!.. Wow! I am so sick of hearing about the coming decades all the time!"
But then when my sister and I got to the part about the love, Tasha shut up and started grinding her teeth. And then later, Tasha's mother told me that the reason Tasha was so freaked out was because she has a fear of love from childhood. Occasionally Tasha can be very stupid like that, but all she cares about is my own good...
Link of the day: All Your Oil... Randomly generated by Flooble Instant Blog Post Generator
puhLEASSEEEE......! blogs are meant for you to write your own stuff down! be it your thoughts, events in your life or other stuff you find interesting. Like, i'm sure this blog post generator thing can read your mind? (in a exaggerated, melodramatic manner) "OooooHHhhhh mighty blog post generator! A lot of stuff happened to me today but i have no idea how to express it.... Churn it out for me and i will be your slave forever!! *bow bow scrape scrape* what kind of stupid morons use blog post generators?!?! *scoffs* look at the above two examples. isn't it painfully obvious that they have certain phrases which the programme just rearranges, inserts new vocabulary and presents it in a "grammatically correct" manner???? *shakes head despairingly*
This just goes to show how pretentious blogging can get... Truely, some people merely blog for the sake of blogging, to parade their lives around and polish it up a bit to make it interesting for others to read. Sure, all of us bloggers do that to some extent (or our blogs would have passwords and what not in it), but a blog post generator?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!!?! SHEESH! now that's really getting out of hand. Get a life buddy!
(feel like changing my blog name to 'my soliloquey' or just 'soliloquey' heehee)
7:49 PM
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
This is a story of a land long ago, where myths walked the earth and legends ruled the skies....
In this time, there was a man, a young man, whose eyes shone with silver fire and whose heart pulsed the same beat of the earth. As with all young man, he was restless and sought something he could not find. At night, he ran with the speed of the wolves and the silence of the deer. He ran in search of something... Something. He knew not what. His mother stood at the window, worried; while his father - whose eyes held knowledge and his gaze, power - said nothing at all.
In the day, he worked tirelessly with his peers, continuing where others faltered, reaping where others could not. The ladies swooned and fell in love with him, and he took pleasure when he desired, yet his heart remained unfulfilled. And this heart yearned all the more fiercely for the unknown, so his feet took to wondering still further, and the fire in his eyes grew brighter and more wild.
There came a time when he knew he must leave; so he left, carrying with him the wisdom in his father's eyes and the silence of his lips.
Tirelessly, he travelled. Past oceans of fish and merpeople; past beaches of gold dust and pearls. Through a desert, he went, following the road of the Djinn for his eyes saw what fools did not. Voices whispered during the night and singing floated down from beyond the next dune, luring the lonely traveller. But he heeded the words of the snake on a staff who spoke to him at the edge of the desert, and ignored the haunting sounds. Through a city, he travelled, and the city was full of joys, of laughter and temptations. Golden bridges ran over sparkling canals; the air was heavy with the scent of wine and perfume, and women hung over the railing of balconies strewn with a thousand flowers. He walked through the teeming marketplace, where men shouted their wares and children laughed and played, gamboling beneath your feet. He walked past the holy district, where temples shone white in the sun and wise men of all faiths prayed, taught and learned.
As he walked, he found suddenly that he was not alone. A man strolled beside him, silent and unassuming. Tall he was, and thin. His skin was as white as the temple marble but his robes were blacker than night. It seemed to the young man that he could see images swirling in the fabric, that should he look too long or too deep, he might fall endlessly into the universe of the stranger's robe. The sun still shone, but it seemed now somehow pale and without warmth. Startled, the young man realized that they was no longer travelling amongst the temples but had entered a strange land without his noticing. The path was the same but the place seemed different; to exist and yet not exist, hovering at the corners of his mind and shifting even as his eyes looked away from it.
"Where are we?" he asked the stranger beside him, whose face was shadowed by his jet black hair. The stranger neither paused nor slowed. Indeed, he seemed not to have heard the question at all! Though dissatisfied, the young man had learned patience in his journey and carried the memories of his father's understanding in his heart. So he fell silent and walked, surrepticiously studying his uninvited companion.
After some time, they arrived at a place which neither moved nor changed. Upon closer examination, it seemed to the youth that they were standing upon a precipice, with absolutely nothing around them but an endless fall and the road which they had taken stretching far behind them. He stood, fearless, and continued watching his unknown escort who looked to be surveying the area around them. Finally the man looked at him.
At that moment, the young man wished fervently that he had not. The stranger's eyes were fire and obsidian! There were no whites in his eyes yet his black gaze blazed more brilliantly than the youth's own and seemed to pierce through flesh and fortress to look right upon his naked soul.
"Orpheus," said he; and the young man trembled as his name reverberated through his bones with the raw power in the stranger's voice.
"Orpheus," the being repeated (for Orpheus was certain now that this stranger was not mortal), "Orpheus... My son... What is it you seek?"
Frightened, but courageous and pure, Orpheus struggled to find an answer to the question which had spurred his travels for the past year and a day.
"I - I - I do not know, master. But... But i think i may have just found it."
And indeed, the power emanating from the figure seemed to shrink into itself and lo! The man standing before him was none other than the father he had known all his life, with his weathered skin, eyes that held knowledge and his gaze, power; but who, in all the years of his memory, had never said anything at all.
"Who are you... Father?" asked the young man, confused and disorientated, his mind sifting through the memories he has had of this man. And for the first time, he heard the man he knew as 'father' speak.
"Who am i?" the form might have been different but the voice, throbbing with restrained power, was the same. He seemed to genuinely ponder this question, searching for how best to answer. "I am Dream. One of the Endless. Some know me as Morpheus; others, as the Sandman or the dream-king. But i am simply Dream, one of the Endless; and i am your father."
i don't feel like writing anymore :p up to this point, i was simply making it up as i went along, but here i feel that this is no longer my story but one for another to tell. It is not my perogative to spin yarns out of Neil Gaiman's tales, wonder as i may. I just happened to be reading the Sandman yet again and i felt restless and like writing. I often do this, make up stories without endings. Continue them however you see fit; i merely seek to spill out words i cannot contain and perhaps spur the imagination of some. I do not think i will continue this one. The comics are much better, with drawings and colour that i lack the capacity to describe. 'A picture says a thousand words', so i have heard and so i agree. Go read the novels :p
6:25 PM
You are Xuan Wu!
Mythological background: Because the turtle has a
thick, solid shell that serves as protection -
this animal is associated with stability. You
enjoy intellectual pursuits. Also, in Feng Shui (the Chinese myths behind
choosing a house), the black turtle's solidity
is used to protect from cold northern winds.
Which Chinese Mythological Being Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
I'm a turtle!!! :D :D :D i've always loovvedd turtles! or felt connected to them rather. actually, i think it's more coz i'm slllooowwwww............... haha ;) i've got loads of turtles at home though! fake ones, not live ;) lol. most countries i go, i'd buy a turtle whenever i see one =) maybe i also like them coz they're the pets i kept around longest! when i was younger, our parents used to invite this magician to our birthday parties (my siblings n mine). Sometimes, they'd give us pets coz we always wanted some but they'd never allow it as i'm asthmatic. Hence we'd get small animals like chicks, mice, hamsters, canaries, those small parrot-like birds (they don't talk, i'm not sure what they're called), even some goldfish once... the magician would always make it/them appear at the end of the show, beneath a black cloth (which held nothing before), as his grand finale! we're very bad with pets though, i believe. The hamster died... of fright i think, from the neighbourhood cats. The birds would fly off eventually, they always escape :p the mice were CUTE! but they kept squeezing between the bars of the cage, so mummy gave them away eventually. dont think she fancied mice in her teacup ;) haha. the turtles were the best! (or were they tortises?) they lived the longest and they were mine exclusively!! =) they fell sick and died in the end though :( and i've always remembered them and felt sad... and yes, guilty :( *guilt* still, turtles have always had a special place in my heart :p
it's break now actually... and i'm in the library with marieanne, who's typing out our lit notes. wondering whether i should pon math later? Mr.Chan is not here apparently but there'll be a substitute teacher and i'm not sure if that's good or bad... on one hand, substitutes don't know your class so they'd never know if you pon. on the other hand, some substitutes have the class list, which they check diligently before the start of the lesson! Hmm... *ponders* to go or not to go? that is the question ;)
An Eastern Ballad
I speak of love that comes to mind:
The moon is faithful, although blind;
She moves in thought she cannot speak.
Perfect care has made her bleak.
I never dreamed the sea so deep,
The earth so dark; so long my sleep,
I have become another child.
I wake to see the world go wild.
~ Allen Ginsberg
12:20 PM
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Yay! Tagboard's up!! say hi! *grinz*
Am reading the five people you meet in heaven by Mitch Albom now :) going to borrow digital fortress from andee soon!! (watch out andee! haha) ;) i redid my sister's blog as well~ actually been doing work the past few days... though i've ponned math lecture coz i've been utterly lost since S4!! :P studystudystudy. Chicago university came and gave a talk today! It's really interesting!!!! man i wish i could go US.... :( no money tho. no brains either. :( :( :( sads~ chicago U looks lovely. check out their website here =)
don't like myself at the moment :( things are things, same as always, life moves on... bleagh. ho hum... just discontent i suppose, unhappy. i liked the weekend, i don't like school as much. i guess i don't mind it, particularly since i'm actually making friends with my classmates now (was rather isolated before, still am really, but it's better). think it was my fault before anyways. always with my nose buried in a book, too reticent to strike up a conversation or simply not bothering (i'm not like some people who can effortlessly yatter away; i much prefer silence). but it's better now yups~
Can't wait for friday... actually, can't wait till the weekend when my parents AND grandparents go to australia to meet family (more like some suprise birthday party for my uncle - mother's cousin - actually). need the breathing space and the freedom. feeling kinda stifled right now... arghz! i think it's stress... finally getting to me :p dang. *musing* i think it stems from my contemplation of the A-level time table: all my papers are 3hrs long except for gp and econs. lit has a total of 9hrs, 6hrs each for geog and math, 5hrs for econs, 3hrs each for gp and econs S. All of my lit papers are on days with other papers. the worst is pc and paper3 i think, both of which are on separate days, each on the same day as one geog paper, meaning i'd have 6hrs of pure writing on two days of my A's!! *gloom* some [stress] may have been a result of the Chicago talk and the dawning realization that overseas applications have to be done SOON, after my prelims! added to the fact that i have yet to take SAT II and that i need to retake SAT I if i want to apply to Ivy Leagues (only got 1450 e last time), one arrives at --> stress.
sigh... no point moaning and mooning around. best get on with it. be off!
11:45 PM
Wow... today's gp session was intense man... deep. my head is still whirling from all the facts introduced by paul khoo. mmm... fascinating. if only all gp lessons were like that :p i feel today's one was actually worth something! really learned a lot.. i love having these kind of discussions that totally stretch your imagination, your ability to believe and see beyond reasonable spheres. We touched on a LOT of things... space-time concepts, the essense of reality, philosophical debates, systems of values, stuff that challenge the concepts one has taken for granted all your life...
What is reality and what is time? How do the two intertwine and how do we know what truly exists? pk brought forth the idea of physics having more than 10 dimensions, as compared to the usual four that we live in. There is also the big bang theory and how the universe is expanding and the evidence of ambient heat... An atomic clock sent round the world in a plane comes back either a few nano-seconds faster or slower (depending on which direction it goes) than that at a stationary point. Einstien's theory of relativity. So do we age less because we experience less time or is time/age a fixed concept that is the same everywhere. However, recent discovery has shown that light does not actually travel in a constant speed! This finding undermines all other calculations based on the speed of light, particularly ones that have to do with space and lightyears. So the universe could actually be contracting instead of expanding! That has yet to be affirmed... There's also something called solar wind, which is not wind as we know it in terms of air particles moving and creating turbulence, but energy particles (photons) moving in space :P fascinating fascinating!
oh dang, the bell's gone... gtg. read up more on antimatter, reproduction with two eggs (females), quantum physics, etc etc... interesting interesting.. *grinz*
10:18 AM
Monday, July 26, 2004
i am the cat that is no cat
i am the dog that is no dog
i am the shadow that lives in the night
i am the lost that seeks the light
i am the dying who wishes for life
i am the beat that sings of strife
i am the haunted who runs in the dark
i am the loner who sings in the park
i am the girl who lives next door
i am she who is no more
i am all you want me to be
i am nothing you will not see
i am forever lost to thee
i am who i am
that's me.
10:28 PM
TO ME
stopstopstopstopstopstopstopthinkingabouthim!!! he's not interested n you're just bloody fascinated hence it won't last so stop it already!!!!!! grrrrrr... *slaps myself* stopitstopitSTOPIT!!!!! damnit!
all he did was dance with you, put his hand on your waist, tease you and you're falling for him already!?!?!?!!! GET REAL!! oh heck heck heck heck heck... pon econs lecture because u can't concentrate, can't concentrate because ???? also because i'm dem sleepy coz i took such a long time to fall asleep last night because! ?????????????????????????? !!!
oh stupid stupid girl.... and YES! you're still a girl! still immature and dumb enough to get tangled up by a guy being nice to you, a look, a touch, meaningless!! don't you realise your prelims are in SIX WEEKS?!?!?!??!! that's practically next week! four subjects, one s paper, 3 average, 2 failures... how do you expect to achieve your goal at this rate?????? WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE! there's no time! don't you understand??? NO TIME for emotional hangups! no time for distractions, abstrations, interactions and what not!! oh fish... get a life babe. start studying! (hey oxymoron :p)
studystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudystudy *drills it into my thick head*
no salsa!
*bawls*
9:53 AM
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo :) :) :) :) a good good night. a VERY good night :D :D :D *does the kentucky wiggle* yeah yeah yeah!! i'm so happy i don't know what to say! :P can't believe i'm going to school tmr! it seems so separate from everything that has happened this weekend that it borders on unreal... i REALLY haven't yet accepted that tomorrow is monday and i have school to go to, homework to pass up... I'm repeating it so many times coz i'm trying to get myself to geddit but it seems sooo soooooooooooooo... distant!
Church in the morning was fantastic! i arrived late so i can't say much for the sermon, but the praise and worship session ROCKS!!! yesyesyesyesyesyesyes
"The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Even though i walk through the valley of shadow of death, i will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You annoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my lives, and i will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
PRAISE THE LORD! :D
The impromtu dance session was held in my house instead n they all stayed for dinner except mel and her bf adrian something or other ;p all in all, i believe dance and dinner was a sMasHinG suCCeSs!!! *grinnnzzz* People who came for dance: Kenneth, Porshee, Michael (porshee's friend), Philbert (my dance class), Mel and her bf (who both left really early coz the bf couldn't geddit so mel got pissed n they left). It was really fun despite my having to run up and down, alternating between cooking and salsa!! My impressions of the different people:
Philbert- 22yrs old, grad fr SP, in army scouts down but ord soon, will be going MDIS to do pharmeceutical management, learnt hiphop at esplanade last time, is planning to do salsa all the way, wants me to partner him for salsaIV auditions (DON'T!) -- dances pretty well but a little soft, not forceful enough; strikes me as attention grabbing, tried to integrate all sorts of funny things into salsa (eg moonwalk) which totally did NOT belong n irked me a little; not very mature, a bit self-centred, but nice overall, liked him better in class coz he didn't talk so much...
Michael- Porshee's friend from Indonesia, was his classmate in Catholic High but now studying in a private sch in indonesia, in singapore for two mths, leaving next mth, may go Melbourne in future, brown belt in taekwando ;p -- EXTREMELY cultured and well-mannered!!! Really impressed me, this guy! :D is a VERY fast salsa learner and rather good looking as well ;) quite sweet (i think!) and socially adept: he made conversation with papa's friends' kids tho he didn't have to, kept them entertained without being obstrusive, listens well but speaks well too, helped delia and i set up the plates etc.... very good!!!!! *guys you must all learn from him!!* Lol... overall extremely impressive ;)
Porshee- Kenneth's classmate, army now going either australia or UK to study - very animated chap! good looking, confident and self-assured, not a bad dancer but not very good either ;p took up salsa coz he has nothing betta to do :P nice guy though, very easy to get along with, conversational and friendly!
Kenneth- seasports senior, going to nus medicine -- in my opinion, the best dancer of the lot! :) :) :) very very very VERY nice! even aunty gerry agreed that he's the nicest of the lot!! *grinz* i just don't know why cf didn't like him? prob a social thing i suppose... i find him quite likable really :) patient enough to teach us all, not as sure of himself as porshee (the two are good friends btw) but conversational none-the-less. quite funny, i was mucking up the tiramisu trying to cut it so he took over cutting and serving it with near surgical precision ;) haha, cute! nothing much to say abt him n porshee coz i already know them sooo... :P nothing to say abt mel n her bf either coz i barely talked to them blah blah blah :p hehz.
The party was really a success... everyone got along well with everyone else!! we all spoke well together and practically everyone were strangers so we were just getting to know each other... feeling the waters so to speak :) all around the same age too!! *smilez* there were two sisters: Shu en & Shu min. Shu en is studying in washington university, final year, while Shu min is in ACJC j1. Delia talked quite a lot with Shu Min coz she's been wanting to go to ACJC since she went there last week for some prefects thinggy, she's been going on and on about ac's wonderful gym, swimming pool and japanese food!! haha, bah! lolx. Nigel is six or seven yrs my senior i think and he's on DSTS scholarship in Cornell Uni doing electrical engineering. He's graduated already but is going on to do his masters in some management thinggy :P nice guy, eats a lot but really skinny! (i think he hand 4-5 slices of delia's delicious tiramisu... i had 2.5;) then there's some ACS boy who barely talked (i don't even know his name!) but nice enough i suppose... so yeah, it was pretty fun *smile smile smile* i'm feeling satisfied, content and happy right now, still basking in the ignorance that I HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;p haha. *happiness* i wanna dance more, but i gotta study ;p i think i'll try skipping to the salsaII class *grinz* more fun plus i can get away from shaanan & philbert ;p heehee~
Time to sleep! you know it takes me more than one hour for all these entries!!!! liaoz!
11:15 PM