Friday, February 27, 2004

oh dear oh dear oh dear...!! last nite was downright scary... i was talking to him aft 10.30pm which, in fact, is not allowed, n he got caught by the sergent~ :0!!!! @#$(*^!(#$%$(*%+!+@)*%^!^*%(&!!!! i could hear wat the sergent was saying coz he didn't even have time to put down the fone... he was so fierce i was holding my breath and listening in a horrified silence, my insides wrenching as he was there and getting all the blame n i could do nothing to help!! i was soo sooooo scared and worried and frightened for him i need to see him again asap to at least reassure myself tt he's alright...! arghz.........!!! *deeply anxious*

10:20 AM
Wednesday, February 25, 2004

i would weep but i could not...

it's all over now. he is gone. gone... forever. and who would have me cry? what can tears do against such overwhelming sorrow... against the keeper of life... against death.

All is gone... his body. his spirit. his life. naught remains but ashes... ashes and memories. MEMORIES... what can they do? they are nothing. mere wisps of what was real. what was reality. memory cannot hold back his laugh, cannot walk into class and conduct a lesson, cannot scold us and encourage us. No... memory is nothing. a static thing. dead and numb unto itself... in time, even memory will be gone... his face will fade from our minds' eye, his voice, a shifting sense of what is lost.

All lost.. all for nothing. all for the sake of some greater plan we cannot comprehend. what pointless mockery of sorts is this?? give him to us and throw him away. some game perhaps??!!?

choked and cold. numb and old.
a dam of tears within me rushing against control... fighting for out.
the pain... oh the pain and the hardship and the sorrow...
a lament for the dead...
i wish i could run. RUN... far far away from here. away from what awaits me, what hounds me... away from fear, sadness and trauma. away from uncertainties and confusion. just get away from it all
away......

i must find peace... i must get back to myself... i must....... i must............
what?

12:55 PM
Sunday, February 22, 2004

Words fail me...

how could... how could... how could it happen??? whywhywhywhywhy
oh Lord why did You take him away from us??? WHY?!?!??!!?????!

icannotcryiwillnotcryiwillnotcry
i will not i will not i will not
if i do i won't be able to stop
don't cry don't cry
don't sob your heart out
don't let your tears out
don't wail your grief
or the world will hear
and i won't stop
can't stop
just hold me
just hold me
don't let me go
please...
i need you.. here. with me.
don't cry...
don't.
cry

i gave away my first kiss today... how could the day be so beautiful yet fraught with the darkest of shadows?? *scrunches up in a tight, silent, shuddering ball*

8:15 PM
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Cheryl Kong

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