Thursday, July 21, 2005
I can't believe i woke up at 1pm today!! Whew! Having a laptop in my room with such easy access to the internet is not very conducive to my sleeping habits... haha. Slept at 4am last night and it's already 1am now!! Ended up blowing 10 bucks on a cab to woodlands or i won't have been able to make it by 2pm :P
This comm service project has really made me more aware of singapore as a whole (aka. life outside orchard) *grinz* but what i have realised is that the government has really really really been taking good care of us (despite what the SDP is trying to say to get themselves more power). Truth to tell, I trust the PAP and am probably not as grateful or appreciative to them as i should be... When i visited the primary schools in the north, like SiLing Pr & Canberra Pr, Í was stunned by the colourful facades that greeted me; the educational murals on the walls that piqued even my aged interest; the gleaming computers, lockers and classrooms that the children seemed to take for granted, as well as the fountains and carefully tended greenary amist the colonnades of learning that lent an air of serenity to the place. Truly, I can hardly believe how fortunate the children in Singapore are nowadays... All this upgraded architecture bespoke the money that the government has reinvested into making schools a place that children should hunger to spend their childhood years... They put in money and effort not for profit, but to increase the standards of living of the people, beautifying the environment and nurturing the people, that singaporeans may be able to luxuriate in their surroundings despite the fact that we are a city state and there is little to admire in our natural beauty. With our funds, the government has made this country into a place we can call our home, a place to be proud of.
Yet how often do we complain of the huge payrolls the civil servants are getting? How often do we stop to admire the landscaped New Towns, or savour the fresh air we breathe? Take the MRT, for example. No other city in the world has such an efficient public transport system for such low costs... It even brings a certain uniqueness to our country: the railway tracks twisting between tall monuments of buildings, the train itself flashing brightly in the noonday sun... Who else can boast of such??
Truly we are most ignorant of our blessings. I say this because, much as i am learning to appreciate my country, I am equally as certain that there is more goodness I have yet to experience; more that has been done for us as a people that we know nothing of.
All this came to me as I lowered myself into a chair at Woodlands Regional Library. And it wasn't just any chair... it was comfortable, with rounded armrests and a back that supports you as you recline into it. The library was stocked with them... Plush sofa's for the weary, simple chairs for the studious and tiny stools for the toddlers. All the floors were carpeted, the shelves lined neatly with books to pleasure, books to distract, books to educate and books to enlighten... There were magazines of all sorts, newspapers from different countries, computers with free internet access and even headsets that allow song lovers to peruse their books and listen to music without distracting their fellow library go-ers. So wonderful, so peaceful, so luxurious... It made me yearn to bring such joy to the children in China. The village children who congregate in a school crudely put together with wood and cement. The kids who share benches and desks in a poorly lighted and sparsely furnished classroom for whom the gift of a pencil, ruler, notebook and eraser meant so much. The would be farmers and homemakers who haul water a few kilometers home from a communal cistern, whose minds are so eager to learn and whose hearts so readily welcome strangers who show them affection and love.
Arghh i want to do more!!! I want to play a part in nurturing the next generation, bring up upright men and women of God!! I want to work hard so that i'd be able to attain a position where i can honestly change lives for the better... Alleviate suffering in Africa, bring comfort to the downtrodden in India, love to the people in China and goodwill to the nations of terror. Damn my human limitations! :P
Lord give me strength that I may fulfill the purpose You have for me... Thank you for loving me, Lord, that I may take refuge in Your arms.. Through You, all things are possible. Let me be a living sacrifice to Your glory, that I may be a blessing, for You have blessed me; that I may love, for You have loved me. Praise be to You, Lord Jesus, Amen.
John 3:16... "For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
12:38 AM
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
I love you dear...
No matter what happens, love will find a way. Love is the way we are together, the matching of two souls as our hearts soar as one.
The cruise-ship casts a shadow of deep blue on the sparkling ocean. Bright sunlight teases the waves into flashing diamonds captured fleetingly on a netting of cobalt silk. The gulls soar lazily and squawk in a sky washed clean of the past night's storm, now filled with the sun's golden hue. The ship floats contentedly upon these waters, shifting, smiling... The horizon is screened by the brilliance of the day; so lies this moment - the present... The peace.
1:41 AM
Sunday, July 17, 2005
I'm at SRC now, penning down my thoughts. Just played pool with my sister and it must have been the worst games of pool i've ever played. The first i won, the second, i potted the black ball into the wrong hole so she won, and the last was absolutely spectacular!! I put the white ball in no less than 9 times in that one game, 6 of which occurred in a row. The 7th was after she herself fouled so i moved the ball into position behind the pink ball in direct line of shot and - i'm particularly proud of this one and shall add it to my list of stupidest things i've done lately - hit the white ball so that it jumped clean over the pink ball and to land squarely in the hole *applause applause*
I really had no heart to play after that... Perhaps YY's calling in the middle of the 2nd game had smthing to do with it. Sigh... Anyhow whack.
~* List of stupidest things i've done lately *~
1) playing the thumb game and shouting "ZERO!" while lifting a thumb.
(obj of the game is to shout a number and if tt no corresponds to the no of thumbs lifted, you get to remove a hand. last person to remove both hands loses.)
2) banging into the glass wall at jitters and laughing hysterically after that.
(ok i can plead temporary insanity on this coz i was coming down with the worst case of allergic reaction to smthing that i've ever had... My entire face swelled up, my eyes puffed up into slits and my nose was totally blocked while the rest of me itched like crazy... that was just the night before last actually. YY brought me home and i think he was mildly affected as well, with some asthma and sniffles *poor thing* Anyway, i went to the doc, got a shot, spent saturday at home so now i'm fine :)
3) today's pool game and the white ball incident... *shakes head and sighs*
4) Falling in love...
Crazy, stupid but utterly unavoidable all the same...
QN: why do it?
ANS: can u stop yourself from falling once u've fallen???
Sigh... His parents compared all his relationships to roads. the relationship with his first gf started out as a two way road, until the government came along and decided to turn it into a one way street instead :p the second was a road that the government later decided to tear down and erect a building on... ours was likened to an expressway. A freeway, or a highway, or whatever it's called... strange but apt. we've been hurtling along at the top of the speed limit, heedless of any barriars that have crossed our paths and literally just speeding through it without a care in the world! I feel as if we're reaching the end of the highway now and i don't know what road lies ahead... do i get off at the next stop and make my own way as i always have? if this is a race then we've been sprinting all the way and i can't help but be tired, esp since he already seems to be losing steam and i am but dragging him along in a desperate bid to reach the finish line and complete our journey...
Perhaps our car has run low on fuel, so i've gotten off to push while he steers... whatever it is, our honeymoon seems to be over and we're plunging back into the real world of cops and robbers; people and places that won't leave us be. So our feelings are changing, our relationship evolving; but whether it's in a good or bad way still remains to be seen... :S
At any rate, i believe this momentary loss of steam can be attributed to his sackload of work and all the stress he's undergoing at the moment *hugs* don't sweat the small stuff darling... i know you feel responsible for what went wrong, but don't look a gift horse in the mouth / don't invite trouble. if your mdm says it's alright, then it's alright! Wanting to be punished when someone has already forgiven you is fruitless masochism (this can be applied to your spiritual walk with God as well...)
Anyway, his commissioning parade occurs this sunday so what happens after is up to him. learn how to court a girl darling... pressure cooker ;)
I think another reason for the dampening of our fire may be the flagging of my relationship with God. *forgive me Lord & make me whole*...
Truly, God is LOVE. & without God, there is no love. So as the distance between us grows, so too does the strength of His love fade from within me. Your love on earth complements you, while God completes you. Without God, i think our relationship would be an empty one.. A husk that promises love but delivers naught. I need to get back to reading the Bible at night... Spend more time getting to know Him and deepening our relationship. God is the center of my life. Let our love be true and be the fire that casts its warmth and light on those around me.
Amen...
5:43 PM