Thursday, July 10, 2003
today sucks.
bad day.
don't ask.
sigh. :(
7:37 PM
Wednesday, July 09, 2003
Sweet pain, the raping of mine soul!
Sweeter still, the sharpest thorn;
Most sweetest anguish, rends apart mine core...
How bitter, the blood that was spilt!
And bitter more! The drugged wine of betrayal;
Spinning thine webbed trappings of deceit,
And entangling the fruit of the flesh...
Come hither!
And choose mine pathway;
For I stand betwixt chasms of
Sweetest Pain
and
most Bitter Pleasure,
torn.
12:30 AM
Monday, July 07, 2003
The girl ran.
Her breathing was laboured and sweat soaked her ragged clothing, matting it uncomfortably to her body. Still she ran unceasingly, driven by her fear.
She ran... And became heavier. Chains of Desolation draped ruthlessly on her shoulders while Despair wrapped mercilessly around her chest, dragging awkwardly on the ground. Careless of the uneven footing, the overcast sky gave little with which to light her way, casting a shadow of gloom over the land, over her heart.
She stumbled... And the scions of Doubt laughed cruelly, darting vindictively between her legs, tugging and pulling spitefully at them.
Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear
Of silent nights
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming
The goddess of imaginary light
[CHORUS:]
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me
I linger in the doorway
Of alarm clock screaming monsters
Calling my name
Let me stay
Where the wind will whisper to me
Where the raindrops as they're falling tell a story
[Chorus]
If you need to leave the world you live in
Lay your head down and stay a while
Though you may not remember dreaming
Something waits for you to breathe again
[Chorus]
She struggled to fill her lungs with the thin, harsh air, breathing in ragged gasps. Her muscles strained with exertion as she continued to run, staggering wearily over the rocky ground, carrying the writhing weight of her burdens.
Her world dimmed further and terror surged within her as she caught the sound of the Hounds of Hell baying hungrily behind her.
They had caught her scent.
Desperation lent a short burst of speed to her numbed legs, but even that abandoned her as she careened painfully down a slope, the rocks of Misery and shards of Malice biting deep within her. Her eyes swept the empty landscape and the last ember of hope died within her.
No help was forthcoming.
catch me as i fall
say you're here and it's all over now
speaking to the atmosphere
no one's here and i fall into myself
this truth drives me into madness
i know i can stop the pain if i will it all away
don't turn away
don't give in to the pain
don't try to hide
though they're screaming your name
don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
don't turn out the light
never sleep never die
i'm frightened by what i see
but somehow i know that there's much more to come
immobilized by my fear
and soon to be blinded by tears
i can stop the pain if i will it all away
don't turn away
don't give in to the pain
don't try to hide
though they're screaming your name
don't close your eyes
God knows what lies behind them
don't turn out the light
never sleep never die
fallen angels at my feet
whispered voices at my ear
death before my eyes
lying next to me i fear
she beckons me shall i give in
upon my end shall i begin
forsaking all i've fallen for i rise to meet the end
Tears of anger, of lost hope and of fear, streaked layers of grime from her face as she stumbled to her feet. Little by little, link by aching link, she unwound the chains from her body and discarded them, but could do nothing for the gnawing of her soul. She stood and squared her shoulders, listening the the terrible bloodthirst baying of Hell's Hounds with the calm surety of one already dead.
She waited.
And despaired.
tried to kill the pain
but only brought more
i lay dying
and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
do you remember me
lost for so long
will you be on the other side
or will you forget me
i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming
am i too lost to be saved
am i too lost?
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my God my tourniquet
return to me salvation
my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will i be denied Christ
tourniquet
my suicide
10:58 PM
haaa..... i'm tired... slept at five last nite.... zzzz. talkin' 2 gavin. haha, he's really nice to talk to! we started at abt 2am n ended at five. almost broke my record with ee sang of 4hr 40mins on fri (4/7) nite :P wish i had gone to paddle culture today.. sighz. ee sang n cf went to fix their paddle... gav too. poor ee sang got braces today *ouch* her mouth was still bleeding when i talked to her. poor gal *hugs*
Li came over this morning =) i'm so glad to see her again... still as beautiful as ever ;) *grinz* den i practised being a lamppost again... li went to meet fi.. chayton n michelle were supposed to be there too but they didn't turn up...!! haiz... i wonder if that was a conspiracy in the making n i spoiled it :P
ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Finding Nemo was SOLD OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!! i can't believe it~!!!!! *mouth hangs open in ultimate disbelief* i STILL haven't watched it!!!! wah liao... give up. i shall just wait for e vcd to come out :P sighz... wasted my time watching charlie's angels aGaIn~ did nothing but brightened up the cinema like a stupid lighthouse pointing the beacon to shore... :P bleah. waste of money too. could have gone down to PC except tt i wanted to meet li in e morning :) *sighs*
so tired. got chinese tuition in an hour... another big waste of time :( still have my GP dialogue thinggy to do as well :( :( hmm.. must remember to call gary n ask him how was his first day of school ;) i keep forgetting if he's in ngee ann poly or singapore... i have a terrible memory. :p
think i shall rest for a while...... btw. ee sang, i like ur website. nice -thumbs up- :o)
6:19 PM
whoa~ just came back from sentosa with my family :D been some time since i've been there n i wanna go back again!! saw the yellow boat i used going to macs yesterday (wilderness: riot) leaning against a lifeguard post! woohoo!! that means e new branch of PC there is already up and running but it hasn't had it's gRaNd~ opening yet ;) i wanna go!!! *hops around*
arghz... woke up all aching this morning n didn't want to get out of bed :P my shoulders are all stiff! hmm.. i suppose tt means i'm kayaking right :D heehee~ training yesterday was GOOD!! cheng is somewhere in the south china sea having fun launching kayaks from his yacht *bish* so gavin n david trained us instead =) suffice to say, they are much less SLACK than cheng ;) oh yeah, n PC's new wilderness boats rock! haha, they're not very fast, but they're fun to kayak in *gRInZ* esp when we started to try n balance on them...! hahaha!! so far, alvin holds e record of a count of 16 on my (single) banana boat =P yee yen n andee were doing pretty well standing on theirs too... - ahems at ee sang ;) - i really should have brought my camera... caifong backflipped off the boat! wow, amazing e things tt guy can do... - ahems at ee sang again ;) - lol! we even had lunch in the boats! =D GRINZ. still, my favorite part was the going back to big splash bit, where kenneth attached my single to his n alvin's double ;p hahahaha, hilarious! *gRInZ* it was all really fun... and grace actually appeared at big splash! *looks shocked* yeah.. she must have permanent period or smthing :P it was nice of her to come down though, totally unexpected! i'm afraid we neglected her somewhat, being in the pool and all... oh well~ :oP
hmm.. training den dinner... met a nice boy named wan (one?). very friendly, open, 14yr old malay boy :) told me stuff which i would write here but for the fact tt this blog seems to be generating a level of interest contradictory to my initial expectations (and fears) :P *looks pointedly at the tagboard* haha, j/k... i dun mind y'all reading (meaning li, sang, abin, dan n e usual taggers), just don't publisize it!!!!! thank you. :)
haha! i din noe alvin kept fish....... lolx~ n sang, u're right, alvin's blog is great! haha, nice skin, interesting thoughts... and you actually WANT ppl to go there... *shakes head in wonder* i suppose not everyone thinks tt blogs r private stuff :P bleah. alvin, if you're here, i like ur blog n we shld have an SSC blog! ya copy!? ;D u haf splendid html skills *grinz* =)
and for ee sang... fine! UNCLE and AUNTY~!! singular, not plural! wAt3va... ;)
ernest's having high fever... 38 plus degrees... uh oh... told him to go to sleep n take care. hope he recovers soon :/
a pizza hut, a pizza hut,
kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut;
a pizza hut, a pizza hut,
kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut.
macdonalds, macdonalds,
kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut;
macdonalds, macdonalds,
kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut!
~chorus of 'fast food song' by Fast Food Rockers
heard tt thing twice tonight... it kinda adheres itself to ur brain n endlessly repeats itself ;p haha.
What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
YAY I'M MEETING LI N GOING TO WATCH FINDING NEMO TMR!!!!! *GRINZ!* :D :D :D
(i wuvvvv turtles~ lol...)
12:22 AM
Sunday, July 06, 2003
argh~! yesterday was good and bad... didn't have anymore common tests *evil gRiNz* so i went to cut my hair at PS. ee sang n cf came down coz sang was going to meet her family for lunch n here parents were going to "officialise" their marriage at the registry of marriages :) :) :) so c00| ;P haha, so cf was with her outside 'fish n co' n her whole family was inside (+uncle n aunties. lol.) and e entire building is glass, so naturally they could SEE her as well as... cf. haha!! when she FINALLY realised they were all watching n waving like crazy, she went in n cf left. her dad n aunts were like "how come you didn't invite him in?!" hehehehehehehe...........!!!
{one hr interval talking to bigE on e phone :P okay, where was i..?}
ah yes, aft tt i dragged cf down to tampines coz delia was having competitions n she wanted mi to go watch :) yeah i'm so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!! her match was over already but i found my rgs team!!! :D :D :D *gRInZ* wah liao, came juz in time to watch e last few points of vanessa's match. it was against TKGS n she was struggling to win tiffany, another national player. whoa, the game was really scarey... apparently, she had already played two before i arrived on e scene, which meant that was the third match! rubber!! =O amazing! coz vanessa's seeded first see.. n e last i saw, she trashed e gal who was seeded second 11-2,11-1. so when i arrived, e score was 10-8, in favour of tiffany! wei fen (my partner *smilez*) was telling mi tt that's vanessa had fought fr 10-2 to get to that point!!!!!!!!!! gasp!! she still won in the end though... cheer!!! :D but boy was it close! phew... i miss badminton :P and i love my coach!!! haha, yao jiao fen... she's really cool :) :) :) and i think a lot of my affection for her stems from the fact tt she reminds mi of my previous chinese tuition teacher, ma lau shi. she migrated to australia, canberra. *misses her* oh so jiao lian asked mi if i wanted to help her train henry park primary *WOW* haha! she said she'll contact mi w further details ;) *gRInZ*
oh yay, den cf n i went to watch Twins Effect... it was a good show! :D haha, e beginning was very exciting... den it became very funny. lol! can tell tt e fighting scenes were cheorographed by jackie chan *grinz* quite obvious, e comic touch! heehee... it was a chinese show! gasp. lol... haven't marred my record though, since jackie chan still acted in it ;) *gRInZ* yeah! go watch it... it's pretty funny action-comedy =) dun go if u want a good plot though, since it didn't have much of one :P
walked to pavilion to play pool aft tt... got trashed even though he was half asleep already :P sighz... good thing i din take physics~ haha... walking out of e place, he discovered his bag was unzipped... and his hp was not there. damn... went all over looking for it. or all over e pool place at least since he still had it when we started playing. obviously, nobody saw it. so i left my hp no. wif e lady at e counter n asked her to contact mi if it appeared. sigh... was going down the escalator, there was this bunch of youths (late teens-early twenties?) smoking n hanging out. so i asked them if they'd seen his 3315 nokia hp. one gal was like "noo.. sorry." den this guy chipped in with "wah second one today already!" and gal number one went "oh yeah monica lost her phone today too!" with much murmurs of consent all round.
i dunno whether to believe them or not. seems rather.... coincidental... or mebbe i'm just suspicious. all e elaborate lies. shit... if i hadn't dragged cf down to play pool, or to tampines for tt matter, with me, he'll still have his phone! esp since he lost it abt a month or so ago as well... =( =( shit lah tt sux... yeah, felt like crap e rest of e day :( he seemed ok at training today though...? mebbe a bit too cheery, a bit desolate n less caifong-y (ie. bossy, on, leader-y...) yeah. like during e 5on5, blue.vs.red match, he din shout encouragement/orders or anything... din even gather us together b4 e match to cook up insane strategies :P haiz... hope he's ok.
oh yeah, smsing gavin now. he just got back (12.30am)! wah liao... he said they all (polo juniors) finished dinner arnd 11.30pm! i can't believe it... i thought they were hungry???? wah... still can go down to dhoby ghaut there to haf dinner :P haha, they should have just accepted our offer to help them get food! serves them right ;)
1:06 AM