Thursday, March 23, 2006
I need to start anew... Get a new blog (when i have the time). A clean slate.
Life is wonderful! Not perfect, but just... amazing. Aren't you glad you're alive? Glad that God has made you as an individual, given you the opportunity to laugh and to smile, to see the beauty in the trees and hear the rushing up as you walk along the beach?
Aren't you glad that out of so many people in the world out there, you are here, in a good if imperfect life? With food on the table, clothes on your back, an education, a future, a family...?
I am.
I'm so thankful... So grateful that He has answered my prayers. Not only answered my prayers... Exceeded them! Given me more than I could ever have hoped to have in my entire life!!
I'm so ashamed of all the ranting and raving I've done in this blog. Of all the depression, anger and resentment, that mostly comes from not looking at what He HAS given me but at what He has NOT.
Isn't that such an awful, selfish perspective? And yet I fall prey to it... Worse yet, I know that despite what i feel now, I shall probably have more such bouts in the future. But i want to try... I want to admire the garden on MY side of the fence. Look at how beautiful everything is and savour in His presence in my garden :)
I thank God for You Yi... I love him so much!!! And what's so much more amazing is that i KNOW he loves me back! As completely and wholeheartedly as I love him :) I know some would say it's foolish to give so much so soon (that's the cynical side of me), yet I know that the more i give, the more he would give in return. Love is two ways, I can't always take and not give, but i can't survive forever giving and not taking either (that would be how the other person feels if I persist in the former). So we shall be equal... Equally and unequivocally in love :) :)
I don't know how I can stand being apart from him for the next three years, but this entry shall help me: I LOVE YOU YI!!! YOU YI LOVES ME!
YES!!! I believe it deep down inside... Though i completely forget all that when i get jealous or irritated, lonely or upset, so this shall help me.
Dear Lord,
Please give me the strength to perservere in all that you've called me to do... Bless us with Your everlasting love to sustain us through the years, and help us together fulfil Your will for us on earth and be with You in Heaven.
Amen.
2:13 AM