Monday, June 13, 2005
My last post was ages and AGES ago because, guess what? I'm... I'd like to say 'falling in love', but that might be pre-empting things just a BIT ;) Instead, i shall say that i'm busy coz i've been on the phone/msn/out with a *ahem* certain person, whom i like very very VERY much and who (amazingly!) seems to like me just as much as I like him :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :):):):):):))))))))
Haha, wow... I'm scared, thrilled, excited, nervous, exhilarated and most of all, HAPPY, all at once!! This is seriously a first... First what still remains to be seen but let me enumerate all the firsts so far:
1) First guy who has come to mean so much to me in such a short time.
We first met during the last salsa gathering cum stayover party i had... At that time, I really didn't have much of an impression of him! Except tt he was really tall and talented with the guitar... Now that i look back on that, i'm suprised he didn't strike a stronger chord in me. Ok wait, that's probably a good thing or i'd be beyond freaked out now if all.. this... had started an extra 2 weeks earlier!! As it is, things are already progressing soo fast that I'm quite glad i'll b leaving for china tomorrow. I'm gonna miss him TERRIBLY! but we need this time apart, i think, to sort out what's going on, where we're heading etc etc... breathing space :p
2) First guy i've told i like in merely 2 weeks.
Okay so he told me first, haha. We're not BGR-ing yet but as i told liyana, it's an eventuality, not a possibility; we've just decided to take things slowww that's all! (yes savour it!!) The salsa party thing was the 2nd wk of may but to me, things started on 1st June: the day we went union. We talked before we danced, after we danced and even aft we both got home! Right up to 2am in the morn on msn/phone. I don't think i'll EVER forget him singing Mark Will's "wish you were here" to me... *melt* :) :) The next night we were on msn till 4am! AND i could see him thru webcam... haha! Don't you just loovveee technology??? *gRinZ* I was probably in the throes of laughter right up to the point when i fell asleep... I love seeing him smile :) Friday was fiesta then sms; i can't remember what went on on sat except tt i saw him and it was msn till 4am again :P sun we salsa'ed at his house then mon to thurs was my boot camp... And we still talked every night except wed~ mmm... When did we start to like like each other, i don't know. It was a mutual deepening of feeling so subtle that i can't pinpoint anything! By sunday, we already knew we'd miss each other while i was at boot camp, then there's withdrawal symptoms from not talking till 2/4am, or OCD to keep checking my hp which practically became a physical extension of my right arm during those days... ;) Anyway... *sigh* I just hope it's not some brief flare of passion or smthing, burning so hot in a short time that it burns itself out before long for lack of fuel. :(
3) First person for whom God has called so strongly through me.
I truly truly truly believe that God put us together... Spent hours thanking Him for that fact and praying to Him for You Yi. I'm not sure if i mentioned this but i mentioned to rui fen at the beginning of may that i'd like a guy who can sing, can dance and is intelligent! (and Christian too of course;) she was like, 'good luck, that's dem hard to find one...' and 2 weeks later, guess who appears?? loll... God answers prayers ;) From the first day we talked, I'd already started praying for him. On the second, I told him abt John 3:16 and I haven't stopped praying for him since. Boot camp was an awesome and humbling experience... I never realized how clearly God could speak to you if you would just listen and wait upon Him :p
Well, "Do not fear, for I am with you." sayeth the Lord, is gonna be with me for quite awhile. I asked a few of my team members to pray for him, I asked uncle alan for advice, I even told mummy abt him (that's another first!! i think delia was shocked coz i asked to be put on speaker phone... haha!) and asked her to pray too... Well! God is amazing :) You Yi came to church with me 2 days ago for the dedication service sending us (the mission teams) off on sat nite. And he prayed for me. That was probably one of the most touching experiences in my life :p
*dearest, if you're reading this, God truly listens... "Ask and it will be given to you..." ~Matthew 7:7, all you need is faith in Christ our Saviour that your prayer will be answered in accordance with God's will and it will! Remember, I have faith in you!!*
(Thank you Lord for thine presence in my life...)
4) First guy who has the same view of relationships as I do.
I'm amazed by this one... Really. Every other guy i know (except andee & firdaous) thinks of BGR as a simple matter of liking the person now and gaining companionship as u get to know the person better. I thought girls would think of it differently but according to our class survey in J1, most of them were like that as well!! Only Grace, Ling, Marieanne n myself think of BGR as the first step in a life-long relationship of marriage and commitment. I mean, if you don't think of ur girl/boy-friend as a potential husband/wife, then won't tt mean u'd definitely break up sooner or later?! And what's the point of having a long string of girl/boy friends (which is what mummy wants me to do since she doesn't me to 'settle down')?? Won't the 'status' of that person being a 'special someone' to you become meaningless after awhile? How special can one girlfriend be if you've had 10??? Well I'm glad You Yi's looking for the same thing as i am - a potential spouse, so we have common goals at least :)
This brings me to my next point...
5) First guy I think i can spend the rest of my life with.
In fact, first guy i want to spend the rest of my life with... :) :) :) [shut up li, marcus doesn't count. i was young, naive & deluded ;p ] Anywayyy... You Yi's intelligent, funny, open to Christ, sporty, sweet, adorable, sexy, etc etc etc. Haha, i could go on but the main thing is him in his entirety! I've never found someone whom i connect with so well... Sometimes he'd be thinking something and I'd say it, or vice versa.. Like in the skating rink when he was thinking of the song "Sway" and i started singing it (haha) or, (i didn't tell him this) when i saw his surname and suddenly thought "Cheryl Hwang"! I really can't believe i did that...!! It was a fleeting thought and i admonished myself VERY sternly for it! Then, we had that conversation abt what we look for in a BF/GF and he tells me potential wife! So i was doubly amazed :P
I've never ever felt this way abt anyone before... When he holds me, i can feel his heartbeat... I could spend the rest of my life just listening to that with his arms around me and his head against mine. And i feel more with just his breath against my skin than i ever did when kim kissed me... Liyana said she thinks kim was my jonathan, and i think she's right! If not for what i'd been thru with kim, i don't think i could possibly resist YY now, or know to take things slow nor the joy of savouring each moment we spend together... =)
Right now at this point in time, I truly believe that he's my soulmate. I never thought i'd get married coz i never thought i'd find the One, but now... my storybook romance seems to have caught up with me :P More, i believe he feels the same way too!! *floats to cloud 9 and stays there* haha, when i asked him to write me letters so i could tie them up in ribbons and keep them in a box to show my grandchildren (funny, i never even thought of having grandchildren before..;), i ALMOST msged "our" instead of "my"!! And the sweetest thing was that he read it as "our" instead of "my" anyway... Haha! *hugs*.. now i'm hoping we can sustain this for the next 7 years or so at least till either of us feels like getting married ;p
Of course, there's always the possibility that i'm here, right at this moment, for the purpose of bringing him to Christ and we're not really meant for each other, but i'll deal with that when it comes =P
Anyway, these are just the main points :p if i were to write down all that's happened over the past 2 weeks, all that i've felt and all my hopes and dreams, i don't think i'd EVER get around to packing for my China trip tomorrow!!!! Argh!! PACK!!!!!!!! okay okay, pray for us everyone!! Pray that God will bring us home safe and sound and that our relationship with Him shall deepen even as we strive to be a blessing, a bridge and a catalyst for His will in Asia! *grinz*
One week! I'll be back!!! ;)
8:57 AM