Thursday, April 26, 2007
A very VERY long conversation with you yi... for about the past 3 hours. But i've said my piece and its done now. 6am... I'm tired, i'm going to sleep.
Aziraphale says (3:31 AM):
hey
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:32 AM):
hi
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:32 AM):
how come u're coming online so late?
Aziraphale says (3:32 AM):
i just came back from a money
Aziraphale says (3:32 AM):
movie
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:33 AM):
wow
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:34 AM):
what show?
Aziraphale says (3:34 AM):
fight club
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:35 AM):
oOOO
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:35 AM):
i've always wanted to watch that
Aziraphale says (3:35 AM):
what are you doing up so late?>
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:36 AM):
not sleepy
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:36 AM):
doing work
Aziraphale says (3:36 AM):
=|
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:36 AM):
had nice dinner tonight
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:36 AM):
shu en and i cooked
Aziraphale says (3:36 AM):
nice
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:37 AM):
she made fish curry
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:37 AM):
and bak choy
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:37 AM):
and the rice
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:37 AM):
i cooked herbal soup, lemon chicken and sweet&Spicy prawns+tofu
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:37 AM):
Aziraphale says (3:37 AM):
wow thats amazing
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:37 AM):
actually...
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:37 AM):
no
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:37 AM):
haha
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:37 AM):
all use pastes one
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:37 AM):
Aziraphale says (3:38 AM):
and so?
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:38 AM):
cheating
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:38 AM):
haha
Aziraphale says (3:38 AM):
shrugs..still needs skill
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:38 AM):
ahaha
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:38 AM):
not reaallyyy.................
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:38 AM):
hrms
Aziraphale says (3:39 AM):
hmmm..
Aziraphale says (3:39 AM):
i guess you had a good night
Aziraphale says (3:39 AM):
=)
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:39 AM):
quite
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:40 AM):
and guan ming and i are going to bake cheesecake tmr
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:40 AM):
Aziraphale says (3:40 AM):
with yix?
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:40 AM):
nope!
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:40 AM):
just gm and i
Aziraphale says (3:40 AM):
i meant tonight =)
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:40 AM):
we're making : http://cheesecake-recipes.kraftfoods.com/cheesecake_39.html
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:40 AM):
and http://cheesecake-recipes.kraftfoods.com/cheesecake_27.html
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:40 AM):
tonight?
Aziraphale says (3:40 AM):
thats cute
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:41 AM):
tonight is wed. its the same ppl every week
Aziraphale says (3:41 AM):
haha
Aziraphale says (3:41 AM):
i meant your msn nick
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:41 AM):
robin, kelvin, boon how, ruyi, lee kiong, shu en and yes yix
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:41 AM):
and me of course
Aziraphale says (3:41 AM):
i'm assuming you;re talking about him
Aziraphale says (3:41 AM):
haha of course
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:43 AM):
its just a nice song
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:43 AM):
iris by goo goo dolls
Aziraphale says (3:43 AM):
haha
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:44 AM):
you're prob gonna see him when u come at the end of the semester you know...
Aziraphale says (3:44 AM):
i know...
Aziraphale says (3:44 AM):
as long as you two dont make out in front of me or smth
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:44 AM):
Aziraphale says (3:44 AM):
=P
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:45 AM):
or else?
Aziraphale says (3:45 AM):
well i guess you could, i'll just run away
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:45 AM):
...
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:45 AM):
you yi
Aziraphale says (3:45 AM):
haha
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:45 AM):
you know i won't do that to you
Aziraphale says (3:45 AM):
=P
Aziraphale says (3:45 AM):
i know
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:46 AM):
i'm gonna try to make your brief visit here as painless as possible ok?
Aziraphale says (3:46 AM):
i have a question....
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:46 AM):
meaning keep both of you apart
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:46 AM):
yes?
Aziraphale says (3:46 AM):
when was the first time he kissed you
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:46 AM):
whhhhhaaaaaaaatttttttttt?
Aziraphale says (3:47 AM):
just curious
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:47 AM):
ask me again like 5 years from now and maybe i'd tell u
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:47 AM):
;p
Aziraphale says (3:47 AM):
....
Aziraphale says (3:47 AM):
i guess that just about answers my qn actually
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:47 AM):
why?
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:48 AM):
how so?
Aziraphale says (3:48 AM):
hmmmm coz i can infer that it was probably before we broke up
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:48 AM):
.......................
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:48 AM):
and how in the world did you magically infer that
Aziraphale says (3:49 AM):
coz 1) you wont tell, meaning that you definitely made out already, and 2) i promised someone not to tell
Aziraphale says (3:49 AM):
and 3 what you just said
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:50 AM):
what?!
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:50 AM):
you promised someone not to tell what?
Aziraphale says (3:50 AM):
i cant tell
Aziraphale says (3:50 AM):
but is it true?
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:51 AM):
how can i say if its true if i don't know what you're not telling?!
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:51 AM):
Aziraphale says (3:51 AM):
did he kiss you before we broke up?
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:51 AM):
.....
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:51 AM):
tell me who the person is at least
Aziraphale says (3:52 AM):
i cant. i promised
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:52 AM):
you promised not to tell whatever he/she told you
Aziraphale says (3:52 AM):
and the person too
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:52 AM):
well you promised not to ask me anything
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:52 AM):
or bring up all this
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:52 AM):
but u've broken it numerous times
Aziraphale says (3:52 AM):
true
Aziraphale says (3:53 AM):
but i got my answer anyhow
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:53 AM):
so u might as well tell me
Aziraphale says (3:53 AM):
i guess that you were right
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:53 AM):
i was right what?
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:53 AM):
i'm completely losing you btw
Aziraphale says (3:53 AM):
haha
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:53 AM):
i'm in the dark of 90% of the conversation
Aziraphale says (3:53 AM):
i know..i'm actually falling asleep
Aziraphale says (3:53 AM):
after a long surreal movie
Aziraphale says (3:54 AM):
i'm just typing rubbish
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:54 AM):
liar
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:54 AM):
stop trying to run away
Aziraphale says (3:54 AM):
what does it matter?
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:54 AM):
and tell me whatever it is u want to say
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:54 AM):
of course it does!
Aziraphale says (3:54 AM):
ok
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:54 AM):
u're still my friend!
Aziraphale says (3:54 AM):
here's what i have to day
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:55 AM):
and i'm trying to keep it that way
Aziraphale says (3:55 AM):
say
Aziraphale says (3:55 AM):
i know thank you
Aziraphale says (3:55 AM):
i'm disappointed in you
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:55 AM):
ok
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:55 AM):
u're welcome
Aziraphale says (3:56 AM):
haha you're welcome for the second statement?
Aziraphale says (3:56 AM):
thats wierd
Aziraphale says (3:56 AM):
=)
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:56 AM):
welcome usually goes after thank you
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:56 AM):
its called good manners
Aziraphale says (3:56 AM):
haha yeah...
Aziraphale says (3:57 AM):
thats true
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:57 AM):
so.
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:57 AM):
person?
Aziraphale says (3:57 AM):
i
Aziraphale says (3:58 AM):
i
Aziraphale says (3:58 AM):
wouldnt you want to know what i'm disappointed in?
.: ck :. has no hp says (3:58 AM):
sure... after you tell me who the person was and what he/she said... i believe i have a right to know as it concerns MY life
Aziraphale says (3:59 AM):
it was only between me and that person who told me and me alone
Aziraphale says (4:00 AM):
because the person felt that it concerned my life
Aziraphale says (4:00 AM):
the person never tolda nyone else
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:00 AM):
well it obviously concerns mine too
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:00 AM):
so by that logic, you would have to tell me as well
Aziraphale says (4:00 AM):
haha yeah, but it doesnt matter for you
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:00 AM):
for all you or i know, the person could be lying
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:00 AM):
so of course it matters to me!
Aziraphale says (4:01 AM):
from your non replies...it would appear to be true
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:01 AM):
that's a blatant assumption
Aziraphale says (4:01 AM):
alright
Aziraphale says (4:02 AM):
what the person told me gave me reason to believe that you and he were more intimate than you let on b4 we broke up
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:02 AM):
:/
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:03 AM):
tell me (1) who the person is (2) what he/she told you, and i promise to tell you if its true or false
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:03 AM):
promise
You have just sent a Nudge!
Aziraphale says (4:05 AM):
this is between you and me
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:05 AM):
ok
Aziraphale says (4:06 AM):
no..i meant that this matter is between you and me alone..
Aziraphale says (4:06 AM):
it doesnt involve the person
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:06 AM):
well the person involved him/herself by saying whatever he/she said
Aziraphale says (4:07 AM):
i actually told you (2)
Aziraphale says (4:07 AM):
the person refused to go into details coz the person didnt want to
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:08 AM):
no u didn't tell me anything, though u did beat around the bush alot
Aziraphale says (4:08 AM):
but the person said that you were closer to each other than an attached girl should
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:09 AM):
can you just say whatever the person said straight out please?
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:09 AM):
all of it?
Aziraphale says (4:09 AM):
that was it.. this wasnt recent.. it was some time ago
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:10 AM):
the person said exactly that and only that? that we were closer to each other than proper?
Aziraphale says (4:10 AM):
the person also refused to elaborate
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:10 AM):
hence u said he kissed me
Aziraphale says (4:10 AM):
no, that was postulation on my part... thats why i asked
Aziraphale says (4:11 AM):
i wanted to know
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:11 AM):
is that person jervis?
Aziraphale says (4:11 AM):
no comments
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:12 AM):
you have to tell me so i can tell you what happened you know
Aziraphale says (4:12 AM):
so something did happen?
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:12 AM):
...
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:12 AM):
let me rephrase that statement for your paranoid mind
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:13 AM):
you have to tell me so i can tell you what, IF ANYTHING, happened
Aziraphale says (4:13 AM):
did he kiss you before we broke up, did you hold hands, did you kiss him?
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:14 AM):
i'm not saying anything until you tell me
Aziraphale says (4:14 AM):
why do you need to know the person?
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:15 AM):
becaauuseee... if i know the person, then i would know why the person thought that way and tell you
Aziraphale says (4:16 AM):
telling you the person isnt going to change what ever you did, even if you did anything
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:16 AM):
but telling me the person would allow me to give you certain truth
Aziraphale says (4:16 AM):
??
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:17 AM):
ie. u want primary source or secondary source?
Aziraphale says (4:17 AM):
i want all of the truth
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:17 AM):
i am the primary source
Aziraphale says (4:17 AM):
so tell me
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:17 AM):
well u haven't said anything yet
Aziraphale says (4:17 AM):
lay my mind to rest on certain issues
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:17 AM):
name?
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:17 AM):
i promise i won't kill the person or anything
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:18 AM):
u know that
Aziraphale says (4:18 AM):
of course =P
Aziraphale says (4:18 AM):
you remember how you said dont drag people into this?
Aziraphale says (4:18 AM):
i'm not dragging that person into this
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:18 AM):
i promise i won't call the person and demand explanations the way you called people
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:19 AM):
it is also for my peace of mind
Aziraphale says (4:19 AM):
it's someone who will be of no trouble to you
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:19 AM):
...
Aziraphale says (4:20 AM):
cheryl..
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:20 AM):
hurry up
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:20 AM):
so we can both have peace of mind tonight
Aziraphale says (4:20 AM):
just tell me the truth of what happened this semester
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:20 AM):
its 4.20am
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:20 AM):
if you don't tell me by 4.25, i am going to sleep
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:20 AM):
and never talk about this again
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:20 AM):
and i mean never.
Aziraphale says (4:20 AM):
.....
Aziraphale says (4:21 AM):
threats
Aziraphale says (4:21 AM):
and strongarming
Aziraphale says (4:21 AM):
i know you mean it
Aziraphale says (4:21 AM):
and you know i know that
Aziraphale says (4:21 AM):
willl you tell me ALL of the truth
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:22 AM):
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:22 AM):
what the heck is all of the truth?!
Aziraphale says (4:22 AM):
of what happened this semester
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:22 AM):
i will tell u if what the person said was warranted or not
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:22 AM):
and why
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:22 AM):
and how
Aziraphale says (4:22 AM):
no.
Aziraphale says (4:22 AM):
i want to know what happened between you and yix this semester
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:23 AM):
getting greedy aren't we?
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:23 AM):
4.23am
Aziraphale says (4:23 AM):
my original question was did he kiss you
Aziraphale says (4:23 AM):
did you cheat on me?
Aziraphale says (4:23 AM):
did he steal you heart as i drove you away
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:24 AM):
4.24
Aziraphale says (4:24 AM):
ok
Aziraphale says (4:24 AM):
fine
Aziraphale says (4:24 AM):
i'll tell
Aziraphale says (4:24 AM):
say something first
Aziraphale says (4:24 AM):
you're never going to tell anyone about this
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:25 AM):
i'm never going to tell anyone about this.
Aziraphale says (4:25 AM):
weiqin
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:25 AM):
hah
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:25 AM):
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:25 AM):
wow
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:25 AM):
incredible
Aziraphale says (4:26 AM):
why
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:26 AM):
why?
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:26 AM):
she's in singapore that's why!
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:26 AM):
she doesn't know me that's why
Aziraphale says (4:26 AM):
and so?
Aziraphale says (4:27 AM):
who's her boyfriend?
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:27 AM):
her boyfriend is yix's best friend, who was upset with her because she and yix had something going on for awhile
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:28 AM):
and her boyfriend doesn't like me because of you now you know
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:28 AM):
even though i haven't even met him
Aziraphale says (4:28 AM):
but who does yix talk to now still?
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:28 AM):
erm.. .me?
Aziraphale says (4:28 AM):
him
Aziraphale says (4:28 AM):
and he surely talks to her
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:29 AM):
how often do u talk to ning yan?
Aziraphale says (4:29 AM):
barely
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:29 AM):
exactly
Aziraphale says (4:29 AM):
=)
Aziraphale says (4:29 AM):
well..yix told him about you
Aziraphale says (4:29 AM):
apparently
Aziraphale says (4:29 AM):
and he told WQ
Aziraphale says (4:29 AM):
and WQ told me
Aziraphale says (4:30 AM):
this was before they got mad at me
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:30 AM):
wow how long have u been talking to wq?
Aziraphale says (4:30 AM):
only back then
Aziraphale says (4:30 AM):
and she told me
Aziraphale says (4:31 AM):
and i disregarded it, never believing a word she said
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:31 AM):
and now you do because we're no longer together?
Aziraphale says (4:31 AM):
but it's been gnawing at my mind, so whatever your answer, i wanted closure
Aziraphale says (4:31 AM):
well kinda
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:31 AM):
suddenly i've changed after i'm not your gf?
Aziraphale says (4:32 AM):
shrugs
Aziraphale says (4:32 AM):
you tell me
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:32 AM):
...
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:32 AM):
ok
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:32 AM):
you want closure, i'll give you closure
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:33 AM):
bear in mind that you have just pushed me somewhere i wasn't going to go yet
Aziraphale says (4:33 AM):
ok..i've been preparing myself
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:33 AM):
ok
Aziraphale says (4:33 AM):
but
Aziraphale says (4:33 AM):
i mean, i always wanted the truth
Aziraphale says (4:33 AM):
i know that you dont want to hurt me
Aziraphale says (4:33 AM):
and i'm grateful
Aziraphale says (4:34 AM):
really
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:34 AM):
u've a funny way of showing it then
Aziraphale says (4:34 AM):
??..i dont want any lies or suspicions anymore
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:34 AM):
haha
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:34 AM):
who's lying or suspecting?!
Aziraphale says (4:34 AM):
and god knows how much of that i have
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:34 AM):
not me
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:35 AM):
i told you
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:35 AM):
a long time ago
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:35 AM):
that yix liked me
Aziraphale says (4:35 AM):
yes
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:35 AM):
and because of that, you started getting possessive and driving me away
Aziraphale says (4:35 AM):
yes
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:35 AM):
on hindsight, i guess not telling you would have been better
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:35 AM):
so now i'm being bitten for something i did right
Aziraphale says (4:36 AM):
hmmm
Aziraphale says (4:36 AM):
not really
Aziraphale says (4:36 AM):
even if you didnt tell me about yix
Aziraphale says (4:36 AM):
i felt you were growing further away anyay
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:36 AM):
whoa now u're putting your own spin on things
Aziraphale says (4:37 AM):
remember that one night
Aziraphale says (4:37 AM):
i was complaining to you that i felt i wasnt on your priority list?
Aziraphale says (4:37 AM):
i wasnt eventhinking about yix
Aziraphale says (4:37 AM):
i just felt you placed all your friends up higher than me..
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:38 AM):
well good to know that we would have broken up anyway
Aziraphale says (4:38 AM):
sigh
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:38 AM):
so its not yix's fault in any case
Aziraphale says (4:38 AM):
did he kiss you?
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:38 AM):
let me finish
Aziraphale says (4:38 AM):
k
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:39 AM):
ok so he told chester about me because he liked me and i didn't even know about it back then!
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:39 AM):
heck i didn't even know that he had a best friend called chester whose gf was wq
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:40 AM):
so regarding what wq said, about us being closer than appropriate for a gf
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:40 AM):
is prob more from yix's point of view with him liking me
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:41 AM):
hey you made me promise to keep this between us but u didn't make the same promise
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:41 AM):
are u still talking to wq?
Aziraphale says (4:41 AM):
alright
Aziraphale says (4:41 AM):
no.
Aziraphale says (4:41 AM):
i make the same promise
Aziraphale says (4:41 AM):
this is for my own closure
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:42 AM):
ok say it out. promise me that none of this goes back to wq and u won't talk to her about our relationship or abt yix ever again.
Aziraphale says (4:42 AM):
heck i dont even talk to her anymore
Aziraphale says (4:42 AM):
i promise
Aziraphale says (4:42 AM):
that what ever you say does not go back to wq
Aziraphale says (4:43 AM):
and i will not talk to her about you and yix ever again
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:43 AM):
ok good thank u
Aziraphale says (4:44 AM):
only you can make me break my promises =P
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:44 AM):
i doubt it
Aziraphale says (4:44 AM):
ha.
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:44 AM):
but anyways
Aziraphale says (4:44 AM):
yup?
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:45 AM):
(1) yes he kissed me
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:45 AM):
(2) rmbr ur version of cheating?
Aziraphale says (4:46 AM):
holding hands?
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:46 AM):
(3) he tried to take me as you drove me away, but i make my own decisions thank you
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:46 AM):
i'm not a commodity to be passed around
Aziraphale says (4:46 AM):
never said you were
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:47 AM):
i decide who i want and what i want to do with my life
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:47 AM):
so you know
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:47 AM):
u've actually been doing very well
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:47 AM):
i missed you the last few days
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:48 AM):
and kept asking myself why did all that happen?
Aziraphale says (4:48 AM):
=P
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:48 AM):
i'm as puzzled as you are sometimes
Aziraphale says (4:48 AM):
sigh
Aziraphale says (4:48 AM):
i'm sorry....
Aziraphale says (4:48 AM):
really
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:48 AM):
i guess it just wasn't meant to be
Aziraphale says (4:48 AM):
ouch *wince*
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:48 AM):
just as you almost made it, you wrecked it again
Aziraphale says (4:48 AM):
haha
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:49 AM):
for your own peace of mind
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:49 AM):
well
Aziraphale says (4:49 AM):
huh??
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:49 AM):
huh?
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:49 AM):
oh my last sentence
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:50 AM):
basically, i've been more sure of you than i have been of yix
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:50 AM):
but thanks to you and your paranoia and insecurity, you never believe me
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:50 AM):
so i get annoyed that you don't believe me, which further pushes me towards yix
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:50 AM):
even though inherently i won't have gotten that close to him
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:51 AM):
so during the past week or so
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:52 AM):
i realised that i really loved you so much and that what we had was more than whatever yix and i have now
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:53 AM):
even yix said he worries that if we do get together, one day you might grow up and i might get back together with you
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:53 AM):
and i didn't deny that statement a few days ago
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:53 AM):
but since we're into closure now and all that
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:54 AM):
i close you.
Aziraphale says (4:54 AM):
blinkblink
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:55 AM):
u wanted to know
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:55 AM):
you wanted closure
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:55 AM):
now the bridges are burnt
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:55 AM):
i can't go back to you knowing that next time, whenever i tell you about a guy, u're gonna start suspecting and pushing me away again
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:56 AM):
whatever
Aziraphale says (4:56 AM):
wait a second
Aziraphale says (4:57 AM):
you make it sound as if i had a chance
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:57 AM):
you did... i told you again and again I won't decide till singapore
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:57 AM):
and i hadn't
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:57 AM):
i really hadn't
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:58 AM):
i guess this conversation came at a good time, since yix and i talked tonight as well
Aziraphale says (4:58 AM):
uh huh
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:58 AM):
he's told me he loves me
Aziraphale says (4:59 AM):
thats good..
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:59 AM):
but u know what, he's unhappy because i've never said the same back to him
Aziraphale says (4:59 AM):
...
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:59 AM):
so he wanted commitment
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:59 AM):
but i haven't given him anything yet
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:00 AM):
because i was going to wait till singapore
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:00 AM):
before deciding
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:00 AM):
i guess part of the decision has been taken out of my hands yeah
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:01 AM):
now all i have to decide is whether to stay with him or not
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:01 AM):
you're not in the picture anymore, sorry.
Aziraphale says (5:01 AM):
cheryl,
Aziraphale says (5:01 AM):
...
Aziraphale says (5:02 AM):
all
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:02 AM):
i asked you to be patient
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:02 AM):
that was all i asked
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:02 AM):
but u didn't believe me
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:03 AM):
yes i've grown closer to him
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:03 AM):
yes he thinks of me as his girlfriend now even though i don't think of him as my boyfriend
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:03 AM):
(he knows this... when ppl ask if we're together he says yes and i say no)
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:04 AM):
haha
Aziraphale says (5:04 AM):
ouch
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:04 AM):
yes
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:04 AM):
it hurts him too
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:04 AM):
because you had a chance
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:04 AM):
i'm sorry
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:05 AM):
i'm really sorry to be telling you this
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:05 AM):
esp over msn
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:05 AM):
so u see where i'm coming from about what he tells chester?
Aziraphale says (5:05 AM):
no...
Aziraphale says (5:05 AM):
i'm sorry
Aziraphale says (5:06 AM):
yeah, i guess
Aziraphale says (5:06 AM):
that was a loong time ago
Aziraphale says (5:06 AM):
cheryl
Aziraphale says (5:06 AM):
i wasnt going to ask you back in summer actually
Aziraphale says (5:07 AM):
if you were to come back to me then,
Aziraphale says (5:07 AM):
i would have been very happy
Aziraphale says (5:07 AM):
but i would think twice before telling you anything
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:07 AM):
haha
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:08 AM):
that's funny...
Aziraphale says (5:08 AM):
i think....that i would have told you no..
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:08 AM):
ahaha
Aziraphale says (5:08 AM):
do you know why
?>
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:08 AM):
why?
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:08 AM):
Aziraphale says (5:09 AM):
because... i dont know if i would be able to make you happy again
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:09 AM):
Aziraphale says (5:10 AM):
i didnt think i was someone for you
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:10 AM):
sigh you know what's wrong?
Aziraphale says (5:10 AM):
what?
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:11 AM):
you always try to 2nd guess my thoughts and u always think you're right when in fact you're not
Aziraphale says (5:12 AM):
i guess
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:12 AM):
mm hm
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:12 AM):
well anyways
Aziraphale says (5:12 AM):
i dont know what made me bring this up
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:12 AM):
i still think we can be friends, but that's entirely up to you
Aziraphale says (5:13 AM):
but, thank you
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:13 AM):
take however long you need to recover
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:13 AM):
just know that i'd be here for you always
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:13 AM):
about the accomodation, do whatever you want.
Aziraphale says (5:13 AM):
i know
Aziraphale says (5:13 AM):
cheryl
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:13 AM):
so now we understnad each other?
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:14 AM):
yes?
Aziraphale says (5:14 AM):
sigh
Aziraphale says (5:14 AM):
i wan to tell you something but i'm afraid that it would make things worse
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:14 AM):
haiyah tonight is free for all ok?
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:15 AM):
say whatever you want,
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:15 AM):
consider it your last chance
Aziraphale says (5:15 AM):
i'm kinda beating myself up that i ruined my chances
Aziraphale says (5:15 AM):
but i wasnt being paranoid
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:16 AM):
granted, you had a right to be jealous
Aziraphale says (5:16 AM):
i wasnt being insecure
Aziraphale says (5:16 AM):
no i mean like tonight
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:16 AM):
?
Aziraphale says (5:17 AM):
when i asked you those questions
Aziraphale says (5:17 AM):
i've come to terms with our situation
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:18 AM):
ok so we understand each other?
Aziraphale says (5:18 AM):
i just wanted to find out from you to help me confirm or reject what i heard
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:19 AM):
ok
Aziraphale says (5:19 AM):
i wasnt being paranoid or insecure or not believing in you..
Aziraphale says (5:20 AM):
it's just when i hear about this, i just wanted to know what really happened
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:21 AM):
your call
Aziraphale says (5:21 AM):
my call?
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:21 AM):
i mean, that was your call
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:21 AM):
it's up to you
Aziraphale says (5:22 AM):
yeah, and now i know
Aziraphale says (5:22 AM):
this will sound bad but...
Aziraphale says (5:23 AM):
dont burn the bridges?
Aziraphale says (5:23 AM):
aha
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:23 AM):
haha sorry
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:23 AM):
you + me = not happening
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:24 AM):
me + yix = short term, probably, long term, don't know yet
Aziraphale says (5:24 AM):
but this conversation was nothing about being jealous or insecure
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:25 AM):
yup
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:25 AM):
its about clearing the air
Aziraphale says (5:26 AM):
so how did that burn the bridges?
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:27 AM):
because now i can hold yixian's hand with a clear conscience
Aziraphale says (5:29 AM):
err..ok
Aziraphale says (5:30 AM):
i can't go back to you knowing that next time, whenever i tell you about a guy, u're gonna start suspecting and pushing me away again
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:31 AM):
yeah that too
Aziraphale says (5:31 AM):
basically, i've been more sure of you than i have been of yix
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:47 AM):
but thanks to you and your paranoia and insecurity, you never believe me
.: ck :. has no hp says (4:47 AM):
so i get annoyed that you don't believe me, which further pushes me towards yix
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:32 AM):
okaayy...?
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:32 AM):
so what are u trying to say other than parrot me?
Aziraphale says (5:32 AM):
i'm trying to say that
Aziraphale says (5:33 AM):
1
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:34 AM):
?
Aziraphale says (5:34 AM):
dont close me off...i just wanted to know about some things
Aziraphale says (5:35 AM):
2) i'm not jealous of yix that the two of you are together..
Aziraphale says (5:36 AM):
well maybe a bit, and i cant say that i've changed, but if i can live with this, i can live with just about anything
Aziraphale says (5:36 AM):
3)
Aziraphale says (5:37 AM):
shurgs..i'm still the person you're sure of i guess
Aziraphale says (5:37 AM):
*okok, semi together
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:37 AM):
1) sorry too late
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:38 AM):
2) i don't think so
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:38 AM):
3) guessing again? still wrong... i don't want you anymore
Aziraphale says (5:39 AM):
just because i wanted to find out about somethings? and it caused this?
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:40 AM):
no this was the straw that broke the camel's back...
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:40 AM):
its not 'just' about any one thing
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:40 AM):
it was over months ago
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:40 AM):
it just took awhile to die down
Aziraphale says (5:41 AM):
=P
Aziraphale says (5:41 AM):
i really shouldnt have come online..
Aziraphale says (5:42 AM):
did i irritate you tonight? i'm srry
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:42 AM):
no i'm not irritated
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:43 AM):
i'm fine
Aziraphale says (5:44 AM):
ok thats good
Aziraphale says (5:44 AM):
actually, i was convinved i didnt have hope already =P
Aziraphale says (5:44 AM):
like you said, it would have dies down
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:45 AM):
ok so u're on the right track then
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:45 AM):
that's good
Aziraphale says (5:45 AM):
when i asked your answer tonight
Aziraphale says (5:45 AM):
and you gave it
Aziraphale says (5:45 AM):
i thank you
Aziraphale says (5:45 AM):
from right now... for you to tell me that he kissed you and stuff
Aziraphale says (5:46 AM):
that was what i wanted to hear
Aziraphale says (5:46 AM):
well, not that he did ofcourse
Aziraphale says (5:46 AM):
but rather the fact that you were willing to tell me everything
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:47 AM):
yup so u're nothing more than a friend
Aziraphale says (5:47 AM):
and i'm not even upset about it =)
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:47 AM):
good me neither
Aziraphale says (5:47 AM):
er..about the kissing bit
Aziraphale says (5:47 AM):
the friend bit is a little big to swallow =P
Aziraphale says (5:47 AM):
haha
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:47 AM):
well you have to
Aziraphale says (5:47 AM):
of course
Aziraphale says (5:48 AM):
i would have really liked to,
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:48 AM):
because as a friend, i'm going to dash your hopes so you won't keep torturing yourself
Aziraphale says (5:48 AM):
but i wouldnt have taken you back
Aziraphale says (5:48 AM):
dont worry, you were doing that well already =)
Aziraphale says (5:48 AM):
see i'm mostly enjoying myself here
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:49 AM):
that's good... don't neglect your studies
Aziraphale says (5:49 AM):
too late =P
Aziraphale says (5:49 AM):
today was last day of classes by the way
Aziraphale says (5:49 AM):
so from tommorrow onwards it's studying all the way
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:49 AM):
cool
Aziraphale says (5:49 AM):
hopefully
Aziraphale says (5:49 AM):
and maybe a bit of dancing
Aziraphale says (5:50 AM):
you know something?
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:50 AM):
u better do well, if not your parents will come after me
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:50 AM):
what?
Aziraphale says (5:50 AM):
nooo
Aziraphale says (5:50 AM):
the only reason why i feel a bit bad tonight is to hear you admit that i had a chance but now i dont when i was already convinced that i didnt
Aziraphale says (5:51 AM):
even then, i would have refused to be with you if you came back because no one can mature so much in 3 months
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:51 AM):
good u know
Aziraphale says (5:51 AM):
yup
Aziraphale says (5:51 AM):
so i dashed my hopes already for this summer
Aziraphale says (5:51 AM):
instead i turned my sights further
Aziraphale says (5:51 AM):
kinda
Aziraphale says (5:51 AM):
there's a song i used to like
Aziraphale says (5:52 AM):
"it doesnt matter how many came before, just as long as i'm the last"
Aziraphale says (5:52 AM):
by bread
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:52 AM):
haha wow
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:52 AM):
i just heard that today
Aziraphale says (5:53 AM):
that smildly cool
Aziraphale says (5:53 AM):
so yes cheryl..
Aziraphale says (5:53 AM):
i love you still, unfortunately
Aziraphale says (5:53 AM):
and yes, i still believe we will be able to like out a wonderful life together
Aziraphale says (5:53 AM):
BUT
Aziraphale says (5:53 AM):
not now, if ever
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:54 AM):
ok i'm falling asleep already
Aziraphale says (5:54 AM):
cheryl
Aziraphale says (5:54 AM):
when i say dont burn our bridges
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:54 AM):
m?
Aziraphale says (5:54 AM):
i mean in the future..
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:54 AM):
we're just friends
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:55 AM):
and only that.
Aziraphale says (5:55 AM):
havent we always been =P
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:55 AM):
i'm going to go to yix now ok?
Aziraphale says (5:55 AM):
??
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:55 AM):
not physically now
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:56 AM):
it's 6am!
Aziraphale says (5:56 AM):
er..yeah
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:56 AM):
yeah
Aziraphale says (5:56 AM):
sigh..
Aziraphale says (5:57 AM):
please keep your heart a bit open to me ...
Aziraphale says (5:57 AM):
dont answer
Aziraphale says (5:57 AM):
good night
Aziraphale says (5:57 AM):
both to bed
Aziraphale says (5:57 AM):
sweet dreams
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:57 AM):
you know when i choose to give myself to someone i will give my all
.: ck :. has no hp says (5:59 AM):
so once more i tell you (even though u just ran offline), you're over, we're over
.: ck :. has no hp says (6:00 AM):
and i'm telling u straight out that i'm going to go to yix so that you won't hold anymore delusions or 2nd guesses.
.: ck :. has no hp says (6:01 AM):
good night.
5:51 PM
I'm just sitting on my bed, smiling. I don't want to do anything except savour the last 2 hours we spent together... But i'm blogging because I want it to last forever :)
Dinner then cuddle. And he actually felt more inclined to talk than me this time! So I mentioned the picture of rachel kissing him.. Lo and behold, it was this sem not the last, which means it can't have been too long ago. He swears that he can't remember when it happened (even though he hasn't been drunk at all this semester) and that the girl already has a boyfriend (b*tch! i know she liked him before!!) and spent 15 minutes hugging me and kissing the back of my neck (because I had turned away from him). Actually, I turned away automatically and out of sheer principle, not because I was really angry or upset... He was there, holding me tight. He is mine, what have I to be upset about? It is virtually impossible for me to get angry as long as he's there... Sappily phrased, he is a balm on my emotions, soothing it away and healing what's torn inside, my nectar of joy. (that's when he's around of course, when he's not, my mind runs amok and my emotions go out of control. All i need is him to be with me.)
So I asked him about his ex-gfs and he said that since the first one, there hasn't been anyone really serious until me. (he's smooth, i'll give him that.) they were together for 2 years 2 months and her mum really liked him and he really liked her (the mum i mean) but the girl was a bit crazy so it didn't work out.
I told him about your theory, Li, about how we should all have a nametag of who we're supposed to be with and how that would make everything easier for everyone. But he immediately disagreed, saying, "Then we won't learn. We would always be wondering what's it like with someone else. Like now, I know that you're the one for me and we can spend a lifetime together." which totally made a lot of sense! Remember how you used to think you'd marry Fi and wished you had kissed other boys before settling down? Haha. Now i know why people hook up... Its like taking tasting portions at a buffet before deciding which dishes you like and settling down to a good meal.
Then he stopped and said, "you know, I'm the one who should be upset. I've committed to you but you haven't committed to me!" .. pause... "I've told you twice that I love you, yes I've been keeping count, but you haven't said it at all to me!" .. indignant silence... "So when will you commit to me?"
I nuzzled the hollow of his neck and said, "when I commit to you, you'd know."
After a long while of tight hugs and lingering kisses, I told him that I'd commit to him when I could trust him with my heart. He didn't really say anything in response to that... Earlier I had asked him if he trusted me and he said yes. He trusts me with his heart. Not with his life because he refuses to let me jump in front of a shower of bullets to save him (that's his job, he insists) and I'm not allowed to die for him. So i'm one of four people he trusts... The other 3 are his dad, his best friend Chester (who, incidentally, never liked any of the girls yix went out with before. Sound familiar? lol) and his other best friend Johnathan. Not bad for someone who just stepped into his life :p
In fact, he asked me how long we'd been together. Confused (coz i don't think yix and i are together together yet), i thought he meant you yi and i so i said 1 & a half years. Whoops! Haha. Well, its been about 4 months since he kissed me in the hallway of Gwathmey 1st floor and took hold of my emotions with his hand. That's pretty darn long... He said for him, it was the moment i was cooking something and turned around and our eyes met (more like caught and held) and he said the silliest thing, "do I know you?" I gave him a puzzled smile and said i didn't think so, but he tried his primary school, "Nanyang xiao xue?"
"Bu shi," I replied in chinese, which he found really funny and that's when we started comparing schools and things and somehow realised that our dads actually do know each other. Small world :)
Well back to tonight, he said i'm supposed to become his girlfriend, then marry him, then wait for him to come home and bear his children and comfort them when they cry (he wants at least 3! I said painful and he was like, sucks to be you. Then he laughed and hugged me and told me he'd pamper me upside-down while i'm carrying his child). I whispered into his ear that I will become his girlfriend and that we'd think about the rest later. He hugged me sooo tightly after that and I, him. And all I can breathe is this moment, and all I can taste is your life. I feel as if we were trying to absorb each other into ourselves, as if thinking that if only we held on tight, we could never lose each other. I want to know him deeper than the mere senses God gave us to know the world. I want us to be so much a part of each other that I would smile randomly during the day, knowing that right at that moment, he was thinking of me and missing me. & vice versa. But such things are the stuff of fairytales and romance novels. Still, if i allowed myself to fall, I would knock myself senseless when I hit the ground. So best keep a hold on myself and go slow... Mmmm :)
I've been sitting up typing for an hour, but my heart is still lying around in my chest, rolling, stretching and purring loudly. He's got a hold on me. No doubt about that!
10:59 AM
Wil rocks my world :) :) i was having such a bad day until i read his email... Now i'm feeling all warm and fuzzy inside :)
His email:
Hi Cheryl,
You really don't know how nice it is to hear your "voice" again~! Yay! Cheryl's safe and sound!
Yeah, anyway, since i don't see you online very often anymore, let's just keep conversing thru email.
See, the thing is that i'm currently having my internship attachment and thus it's not very nice to use MSN all day long while all the full time staff are working their asses off. So while i try to stick closely to my office hours, i try to get as much done as possible while on the job (and that's also not very possible with msn on). Usually i hang out abit after work so i get home at about 9+ to 10pm and get online on MSN about an hour to catch up with friends, and then i go to sleep cos i need to wake up early for the next day again.
Hahah.. Let me whine for abit..
You know Cheryl, i really think i'm not suitable for working life. It's.. report to work at 830.. work till 12.30 den go for lunch back at 1.30.. work all the way thru to 6+ den knock off. It's really quite jialat lah actually. I totally understand why Singaporeans are getting so fat!
They just sit at their desks and handle all the mental stress of the work.. this indirectly makes them physically tired, but the only muscles they've been using are their fingers and mouth. So the rest of the body goes to shit (not real shit.. of course..). because the mental stress makes life difficult for them, they get little pockets of delight through EATING GOOD FOOD and going shopping because there's no point having so much money in the bank account.
And there the cycle goes again and again.. WAH LAOO... cheryll.. i'm into day 3 of my job and i'm feeling this way.... WHYYYYYYYYY
Seriously.. i don't think i'm cut out to be an office worker. I seriously can't work while wearing a long sleeve shirt and trousers and leather shoes and sitting prim and proper at an office table.
I know you've never studied with me before, but for Wil to concentrate, he has to take of his shoes, empty all this pockets, squat on a chair, and ramble strange words to himself every now and then (which most probably explains why you've never studied with me before). And doing that is totally not possible in an office environment!!
Anyway, i guess, this is what everyone is going thru so i'm supposed to just follow this well-beaten path.. NOOOOOOOOOOo...... nvm.. i think i better think of something soon before i graduate.. or i'll just die this way.. :(.. Yah.. but don't mind me lah.. all employees are not happy.. that's the way things are lah..
Okay. NEXT.. What should Cheryl get for Wil?
See, Cheryl, the thing is that it's very difficult to get things for guy.. because most of the things guys want (Expensive guitars and cars and hot girls) are unattainable or too expensive. Considering the way globalization has taken the world, most probably anything you can possibly buy there is expensive and comes in sizes too big for asian man, and it's almost possible to find an Asian version of it in Singapore. So yes.. i can see tt it's difficult..
In simple forms.. guys like me want one of the three things explained below
1. An Expensive guitar - Which i know you don't know how to choose, nor willing to spend so much on me and it's too heavy to carry back. So i guess you should put this idea aside.
2. An Expensive car - Anything from GM motors could do. Ferraris and mustangs are fine too~! (Hahahahhahaha, I'm obviously kidding.. please don't get me a car, cheryl)
3. A Hot Girl - Just get me Cheryl Kong back safe and sound and i'll be super happy!
Ahahah.. okay.. yes.. i know i'm super crap.. can you blame me?
Okay lah.. here's a little real help that i can offer you, if you REALLY REALLY MUST buy something for me
Cheryl, please get me something that I can wear or use.. a nice jacket or a cap or watch or socks or belt or bag would be fine. Tee shirts are fine too.. but they typically make them too thick in the US, so i end up not being able to wear them in the Singaporean weather. Hahah.. apparels given by friends are usually my favourites because i can include it in my daily life to remind myself how great my friends are :)..
Okay.. after typing this super long email.. i feel like i've just had one super long and happy conversation and i'm now smiling to myself like a fool. *grinz*
Take good care of yourself!
Regards,
Wil
From: Cheryl KONG Yan Ying
Sent: Wed 4/25/2007 1:22 AM
To: NG Jin Chuan Wil
Subject: RE: Hi's from Wil~
Wil!!! *big hug*
I haven't seen you online for ages as well! Figured you were off enjoying yourself after exams and I guess I was right. Haha. Wow, parasailing, snorkeling and scuba diving in Vietnam?! I didn't think they had all that :P Did u and shu hui have fun??
Anyways, I'm from the University of Virginia, not Virginia Tech. And although the other school is in the same state, its about 4 hours away from where i am so this school is pretty safe *i think* but thank u for your concern!! :) :) :) And if some crazy dude decides to do the same thing here, i promise i will hide under my bed and call the police while the gung-ho singaporean men here who've graduated from army go and take him down. Lol... (we really did have a conversation abt this and the s'porean guys really said that's what they'd do. haha so i'm safe).
One more month before i'm back in singapore... What would u like from the US of A? Coz i'm getting you something regardless so you might as well tell me what you want -grin-
Hope to see u online soon!!
With warmest wishes to the sweetest guy on campus,
Cheryl
From: NG Jin Chuan Wil
Sent: Mon 4/23/2007 10:27 PM
To: Cheryl KONG Yan Ying
Subject: Hi's from Wil~
Hi Cheryl..
You've once again dissappear off Wil's world map, and this is his attempt to locate you again..
I was in Vietnam when i heard of the shootings at Virginia Tech.. How's everything going at your side? (obviously, wil has no idea what school you're in... so he had to go to the virginia tech website to look for the names of the deceased to make sure you're not among them.. this isn't really a joke, though it sounds abit funny)
Just to update you, i went with shuhui for a vietnam getaway last week so we did abit of snorkeling, scubadiving, parasailing, jet skiing, and lots of eating seafood..
Well, i hope to hear from you soon :)
Regards,
Wil
2:14 AM
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
I have this vicious ball of emotions somewhere on the left side of my chest that is bursting to get out. It feels so horrible, so intense, so hateful and mean but i don't know what to do with it. I can't let it out or it'd hurt people. So i'm keeping it in and i'm destroying myself. Deadly acid corroding my soul. Warping, burning, going up in smoke. Now I know why some people go insane. The ball just grows bigger and bigger until it encompasses them and destroys those around them. Or it burrows deeper and deeper until the person kills him/herself trying to claw it out and rips himself apart. Which will be my fate, I wonder? The latter. I will die a painful death in search of peace and happiness.
Skydiving next week is starting to look more tempting. Yes. I think jumping out of a plane would be a good way to destress for me. Time to sign up and tell my parents about it later.
3:36 PM
IF THE GYM WERE OPEN NOW AT 3.20AM, I WOULD RUN SOME MORE!!!!! ARGGGHHHHH!!
he is not replying me on msn. why? i bet there's another pre-bloody-finals party going on in his room with some skank falling all over him and HIM ENJOYING IT! !(@$&%!*@!$)!@#$#^@%&^(!!!!!!! I am so not sleepy. I am so so so not sleepy.
I was trying to explain to my roommate the difference between you yi & yix. And the only thing i could say for sure is that i'm looking for someone more mature than you yi although he seems perfect in every other way, and yix is more mature. She (like you yi) was surprised when i said that i loved you yi more than i do yix! But i guess its because i am fighting so damn HARD not to fall for yix because it would be complete suicide to do so! Worldly-wise and women-savvy as he is, i already KNOW that i can't/won't be able to take it and i'm not even his girlfriend yet!!
Li: I didn't really understand before why you could hate claire so much and detest joyce, but now i'm beginning to! STUPID SKANKS!! Not that jo/yix are blame-free either... BOYS/MEN SUCK!!!!!!! ARGH!
If this is what happens when he leaves me alone for one day, it'd be over before it even starts when he goes to tibet & nepal.
3:19 PM
oh f***ing kay.... i'm beginning to recognize the signs of jealousy. Chest constricting, blood rushing, heart/head pounding.
Seeing pictures of a girl kissing him (if only on the cheek) and putting her arms around him does that to me. And the album is named "pre-finals mayhem"? It had better be last semester's finals and not this one. Finals is next week... The album was posted 3 hours ago. Wtf?
I think if i met all the other girls he dated/bedded i would either get high blood pressure and burst a few vessels from keeping it all in, or get jailed for violence. ARGHHHHHH! TIME TO GO TO THE GYM!!
10:03 AM
And scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are
We grew up way too fast
And now there's nothing to believe
Reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell em' your name
I won't tell em' your name
(from "Name" by Goo Goo Dolls)
I'm just listening to a bunch of their songs and these lyrics just struck me.
Yes the past is never far... In my case, its 4 hours drive / 8 hours by bus / 1 second by msn away. And I don't know what to do with it, I'm lost somewhere out there, in vast America. But no I'm not a star. And life has always been bigger than who I am. It makes me feel small, unworthy and insignificant sometimes, but not sad... Occasionally depressed, maybe :p
I want to take back my childhood, snatch back my youth. Stay up on Christmas eve to catch Santa Claus and hold my daddy's thumb to sleep. When I dreamt of happily-ever-after and untarnished love, roses and soulmates and all that. Now there's nothing to believe... Except Heaven.
I won't tell 'em your name.
9:35 AM
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Its strange... I just read you yi's blog again because of something i saw or something he said. And i read about him dancing with lots of girls, boon shan asking him to sing a duet with him, him lying on jen's lap with her hands on his face... And i feel a bit weird.
I'm not jealous... I think i have successfully trained myself not to be jealous for now. But i did feel a bit like he shouldn't be doing that but i got rid of that feeling once i realised i was feeling it. Hey, he's not the one holding hands and making out with someone new. I guess at some level, i will always feel some sort of possessiveness towards him because i loved him and because he was mine, if only for a year and a half. I felt the same way towards Ernest, when i saw him holding hands with another girl late last year... Me being me, once i love someone, it never goes away. I will always carry that love in my heart, for every single person i've ever loved, even as/if i give the rest of my heart to someone new.
So its completely normal... I was a bit worried there that i might still be in love with him, which is why i had to think that above paragraph through :p Still, the final test will be when we travel together. I hope we won't still be physically attracted to each other because that will be just painful, worrisome and complicated. No I would not kiss him or anything, but i really do hope we can become platonic friends, because i think we could be really good friends.
Anyways, i spent about $150 at potomac mills yesterday!! Whew! And came back and slept 12 hours... Lol. Oh and the makeup from E.L.F just arrived too!! Haha... I'm gonna dress up later for fun :) Time to go to the gym and get rid of all these thoughts in my head. Au revoir!
5:01 AM