Saturday, April 07, 2007
Wtf... I lied to him?!? WHAT?! I'm destroying the friendship???????? By what? By trying to tell him that we shouldn't talk so often (often meaning 3-5 times a day) so as to help him get over me????
First he says:
i was happy..i thought i was happy
then she called..
then i hurt
Then:
hey guys..she just called me
i've tried so hard to hide and suppress my feelings..
i was actually getting better.. i was forgetting her.. i was happy with what we were doing.. just calling her once or twice...
talking to her.. just as friends, getting to know what's happening over the next few days..
then she tells me that maybe i shouldnt talk so much with her..
pain ripped out through my heart..i was stunned speechless..my head filled with a tempest of emotions and sadness.. choking, suffocating, i couldnt seem to breathe..
she said she doesnt want to cause me anymore hurt than i already have received.
*hangs head* she has no idea how much i have already suffered..
!!! Reading the first post or so made me feel guilty and think i should get back together with him, but after DAYS of those kind of post, each making me out to be the bad guy more and MORE, I don't know what to think! Grow some balls and STOP BEING SUCH A MARTYR!!! I told him i think all his friends hate me, and he tells me, "no, not at all, i tell them that you're a really nice girl and that you're just trying to be friends." Then he writes that kind of poisonous, self-pitying words on his blog behind my back?! Look who's the liar now??? Grow up and take it like a man! *scorn* Honestly, I realised while reading his blog just now that I still loved him, because his words just ripped my heart in two. But in doing so, he totally killed whatever love I had for him, because now I know that I will NEVER be able to get back with him again, even if i don't work out with yix! Not after seeing the way he's stabbing me in the back right now.
I'm really really really upset. But you know what? He's not worth it. AT ALL. Now I know why love is blind... Up till half an hour ago when my love died in an instant, I still thought he was a good guy and that we may be able to work out again in future as I would love him for all his faults as well. But now. Haha. Now... Not ever.
otherwise, like i told teo, maybe can become a playboy....try at least can right? i dont have the bod, dont have the looks, but at least i can make em laugh =P..of course you guys and i know that i'll probably fail miserably at it, but... i'm starting to look around.. a relationship with an ABC will have no resolution.. no future.. but why not have some company right?....shurgs... maybe...i know that actually i want to marry and have a happy family more than anything... but.. why not...we'll see... if there's one girl who is willing to get into a short term commitment relationship...
Good luck to the next girl who gets him! I thought about cancelling our summer trip together, but why bother? I have no issues with him. Why give him some more to moan about to his friends?
He's been freaking all my friends out btw...
1. He messaged li, but she just got annoyed with him (haha)
2. Robin asked him about our travel accom and you yi told him he didn't want to share with him (poor poor robin!)
3. He friended all my friends on facebook (and they're asking me why in the world is he friending them coz he's not their friend)
4. He wished yix happy birthday over facebook, which yix thought was kinda weird but accepted it gracefully and didn't tell me about it (i saw it myself)
5. He called guan ming last sunday afternoon asking him where I was coz he hadn't been able to get me since the night before
6. Today, he messaged wei qing over msn asking her about yix and now she is terrified! She called yix while i was having lunch with him to tell him about it and ask him how you yi knew about her. Obviously it was because of me so now i feel absolutely horrible. Wei qing told chester (her boyfriend who is yix's best friend) who is now pissed of at you yi for scaring his girl) and that's why yix is upset coz he just wants them to be happy and he didn't mean for them to be dragged into this mess. He calmed down really fast though, because I was really upset too and he defended you yi saying, "its understandable, when a man has nothing left, he grasps for straws." then he joked that he should start a facebook group called 'who wants to know more about ng yi-xian' and invite you yi into it so that he can ask him to his face.
My parents are so sweet... I just told my mum that you yi and i broke up a few weeks ago because he was being too clingy. At first she was like, 'i told you so!' in a joking manner, then I heard my dad in the background go 'hey don't liddat lah' -smile- then she sobered down and asked me why, what happened etc and said anytime I want to talk, just call her and asked me if that was why I wanted my family to come visit me a few weeks ago... She said i should have told her earlier so that she could pray for us. I guess I didn't tell her earlier because there was always this chance that you yi and i might still get back together, but since that chance is gone now, I felt it was the right time to let my family know.
I feel like crying now :( for the first time since we broke up... because i'm sad that we let such love slip through our grasp. Sigh... I love my family. Amber's really smart now apparently. When my mum says walk-walk, she'd grab the leash and bring it to my mum to bring her for a walk. And when my mum said car-ride, she went straight to the car and put her front paws up on it waiting for my mum to open the door for her :) sigh... Anyway my parents also warned me not to rush into another relationship. It was funny, coz i told her there was another guy here who likes me and my dad said, "i hope its not my friend's son", just as i said, "its papa's friend's son"!! haha. He said that coz their family's not Christian and stuff and my mum said she doesn't need another couple in the family like bryan and jade :p
Very impt:
pray for you yi to continue in his faith
pray for God to open yi-xian's heart to him
8:40 AM