Friday, April 13, 2007
I just had a very, very weird one hour. Probably the weirdest i've ever had and i hope it stays that way.
This guy in my dorm, knocks on my door at 3am in the morning, just moments after yix leaves. Anyway, he was just... drunk. Like swaying on his feet, words slurred kind of drunk. His cap was down low over his eyes, his shirt was buttoned up wrong and there was grass all over it because he had jumped out of the way of a speeding car into the lawn (and earned a long nasty scratch on his right forearm in the process). And he starts saying things like, "I know you have a boyfriend and I have a girlfriend, but I really just want to hang out with you more and be your friend." So i say okay, lets hang out here for awhile, meaning the corridor outside my room. But he says, "I don't feel comfortable. Just come to my room, you can trust me." So I say no, I trust you, but its not right, my boyfriend won't like it. So we sit out there for about half an hour, with me watching him falling asleep with his cap over his eyes.
Here's the thing about the way he talks... He tends to speak slowly, with long pauses in between the things he says so half the time you're not sure if he's with you or not. When he's drunk, it becomes even more pronounced so I'd think he's asleep, and then he'd suddenly stir and say something, but when I reply, he doesn't respond at all! So we sat there until I was like, "come on, get some rest, i'll walk you back to your room," coz i was scared he'd fall down the stairs in his condition.
So i walk him back to his room... The first thing I noticed was a long-stemmed white rose stuck onto his door, with a piece of yellow paper folded up beneath it. It had his name written prettily on it in calligraphic font and was sealed with grey wax (there was actually a seal on it but i don't recall the image). Noticing it, he tears it open. The letter was addressed to him thanking him for his contributions to their society, saying that it has not gone unrecognized. Then below that short paragraph were 2 quotes in italics. I can't remember the first, but the second one was Confucious saying something about falling down and getting up again. The letter was signed off as from the A.N.G.E.L.S Society. Shrugging and smiling a little to himself, he doesn't reply when I ask him if he felt better, but simply opened the door to his room.
It was plain and spartan. There was a thin, frayed rug in the middle of the room, but the rest of the floor was obviously dirty. His wall had a map on it and a few posters but that was all, and he didn't even have a pillow on his bed!
When we walked in, he went straight to his bed and sat down heavily, with his back hunched and his shoulders drooping in a defeated posture. At first, i stood at the door, ready to leave. Then he started talking again, about how he just wants to talk to me for awhile, so please close the door. I repeated my earlier excuse, but when he said please, I compromised and said i'd close the door halfway, to which he acquised. That done, I sat down on his bed, about an arms length away, and he began to say how he's sad that people tell him that they're scared of him and he doesn't understand why. After which, he asked if i was scared of him and I say no... *pause* should I be? He said, "no... but i'm bigger than you," and didn't say anything for 5 minutes before adding, "but you still shouldn't be scared even though I'm bigger. I wish you'd just trust me and close the door for 2 seconds. I'd show you that you can trust me." O_O hmmm... this is a reason why my sister should stay in singapore, coz she would probably do it. I say no and he asks if i trusted him. To which I very carefully replied, "I don't know you well enough to trust you yet, but I do know you're my friend." I'm quite sure that did not satisfy him, though, because he flopped onto his back and (with his cap over his eyes) says, "trust can be instant." I, of course, disagree with that statement and tell him so, saying that things like love and friendship and trust take time to build up, and the more effort is put into building them, the stronger they become.
-silence-
"I disagree." Comes his voice from under the cap.
This time, I don't say anything so a long silence passes (in which i contemplate how best to leave) before he muttered, "the whole world hates me." Scoffing, i was like, why do you say that?! Again, my words elicit no reply and I decided that it was past time for me to go. Rising, i said good night and walked out, switching off his light and closing the door behind me.
Not 10 seconds later, he opens his door and goes, "hey!" Turning around, I looked at him questioningly but all he did was loll on his door frame. So I shoo him back in his room and into bed, where he kept apologizing. This time, he says, "I'm sorry to be a bother. Now that you have a boyfriend, I won't bother you anymore, I don't want to spoil your relationship. So you shall cease to exist for me." With that, he turned his back toward me and lay curled up in bed facing the wall. Well I wasn't going to argue with him, so I turned off the light again, closed the door behind me and, not taking any chances this time, ran up the stairs and back to my room!
Just as I sit down in bed and open my laptop, I hear a faint knock on the door.
I froze.
Two knocks this time, stronger, louder.
Resigned, I opened the door and stepped outside (my roommate was asleep all the while). (How in the world did he manage to get up here so fast? I wondered.) He was leaning against the wall beside my door, his forehead pressed against the wall. His cap was gone, but his eyes remained closed as his spoke, "Cheryl, I'm sorry for being a bother... I'll leave you alone from now on ok? You shall cease to exist for me."
"I'll still be your friend," I reassure his back.
"People who hurt me a lot... Cease to exist for me. You will cease to exist for me."
And with that, he pushed himself away from the wall and lurched down the hallway, in the opposite direction from which I'm standing.
Open my door, close it. Lock it firmly.
Switch on my lamp and my laptop.
Suffice to say, I am thoroughly chilled. The way he said that last sentence just freaks me out. Paranoid as it may seem, I am not going to walk alone in dark places from now on, and I am leaving my room door locked (am having visions of being smothered in my sleep). In fact, I just searched for A.N.G.E.L.S Society with no success. My wildest speculation is that it is a cult whose members kill the nice people they find so as to send them up to heaven to become angels. Or it could be some perfectly harmless peer support group... *SHRUG*
I can't remember the last time I felt this scared... Probably in Rome when i was walking home alone in the evening and a guy was following me on his motorcycle telling me to come with him... *shudder* and switzerland, walking through the train station around midnight (with weirdass people standing around smoking) and through an empty underpass to get back to my room. But I don't think i've ever felt like the main actress of a b-grade horror movie before.......... Seriously, if not for God, I would most probably have gotten raped, robbed or killed by now.
Lord continue to protect me please... Let your guardian angels watch over me and defend me, for i am weak.
3:48 PM