Thursday, April 05, 2007
I disappointed him... some how, some way and i don't know what to do :(
We're so much alike it scares me. That is exactly how I would act when I'm angry/jealous... Just pull away. Don't talk about it or it'd make things worse. Now I know for sure that he's holding back. He's falling but he's scared of committing himself and he's holding back. But why?? Was it because I answered you yi's phone call? I guess it must have been since nothing else happened then...
But baby, I'm falling too...
And I need you to fall with me and hold me on the way down because I'm scared :( I'm scared that I might hit the ground so hard that I'd shatter if you weren't there to cushion my fall.
You're so much of a risk but you mean SO SOOO much to me. Please don't push me away darling. Give us a chance. There are men in my life, but there are women in yours too. Women who smile flirtatiously at you and would pick you up in an instant if you but gave them a smile in return. Me? I promise you my heart. Please give me yours to fill the hole in my chest.
Yi-xian, yi-xian... You called me 'love' in your sms today. I don't know what it meant to you but it made my heart leap all the way to cloud 9999. 'You finally spelt it right!' I wanted to reply. But I didn't know what it meant to you. A slip of the finger perhaps? So I didn't reply, but savoured it... Turning it gently over in my mind, examining it this way and that, holding it so closely, so carefully in my heart. And I lay in bed and smiled to myself. Love...
Is this love? This torturous tenderness? This looking at the door hoping you'd come back and explain and let me make it up to you? I know you won't, of course. You don't love me that much (yet?). You're too stubborn, too set in your thoughts about what a 'man' should do, too much like me... But darling, a man's gotta make the first move you know? I've been offering myself on a plate for you and you alone. I broke up with a boy who, for the last 2 years, has kept my heart carefully for me because little by little, you were stealing it away and I can't be with someone unless I'm thoroughly with that person (does that make sense?). Sometimes, you take a bite or two off my plate, to last you through the week. But tell me, when will you commit yourself to me and let me do the same to you? Yes, I know, its the dreaded 'C'-word. I yearn for it, but I won't demand it of you... Its for you give to me whenever you're ready.
Dear boy. This is all i wanted to say. Dear boy... I miss you.
12:14 PM