Monday, April 16, 2007
.: ck :. says (5:33 PM):
omg... yix just fully committed himself to me
.: ck :. says (5:34 PM):
his suitemates asked him if we were together
.: ck :. says (5:34 PM):
and he said he's fallen for me hook, line & sinker
.: ck :. says (5:35 PM):
and that he's off the market
.: ck :. says (5:35 PM):
because he thinks i'm wife material
.: ck :. says (5:35 PM):
and he's ready to settle down
.: ck :. says (5:35 PM):
BUT I'M NOT
.: ck :. says (5:36 PM):
argh
.: ck :. says (5:36 PM):
we have a lot of issues between us that i haven't talked about because i just don't want to bring them up and spoil everything
.: ck :. says (5:36 PM):
but that makes it poisonous on my part
.: ck :. says (5:37 PM):
i don't know/think he's the one
.: ck :. says (5:37 PM):
with you yi, i was so certain, but it didn't happen
.: ck :. says (5:37 PM):
so now i don't know what to think
.: ck :. says (5:37 PM):
i'm scared
.: ck :. says (5:38 PM):
i don't want to open my heart again coz i know i'd get hurt... with him a lot more than with you yi, and that was bad enough
.: ck :. says (5:39 PM):
that is why i'm scared to commit
.: ck :. says (5:39 PM):
i'm really really scared babe
.: ck :. says (5:40 PM):
he said we're like a house, and he's in one room doing his own thing and i'm in another doing my own thing, but he wants to come over and hug me and do his things with me
.: ck :. says (5:40 PM):
he said he's resigned to the fact that he wants me
.: ck :. says (5:41 PM):
so he said that he's gonna have to get used to me being right there behind me when he does his guy stuff
.: ck :. says (5:42 PM):
sigh... i feel horrible
.: ck :. says (5:42 PM):
i'm gonna cook dinner now and get it out of my system
.: ck :. says (5:43 PM):
laterz
Yup... Today was a pretty eventful day, starting from when i was angry past midnight, to falling asleep around 5+ am because i was trying not to sleep so as to make it to church at 8am in the morning without an alarm clock, to waking up at noon and going for thai (TSO) waterfest just to get free food for lunch, to becoming Ms. Waterfest (with Robin as Mr Waterfest!!), to going barracks in the afternoon in order to avoid yixian, to him appearing at my door later anyway and us having a brief but extremely meaningful conversation, to cooking dinner with cecil (and eating francois's DELICIOUS chocolate cake and apple crumble in the process - he promised to give me the recipe and teach me how to make crepes!! grin), to having a nice dinner with cecil, gm (gm said i better come to UVA next sem! i take that as high praise) & the other 4 smu ppl (menu was bak kut teh, stir fried bak choy, lap chiong egg, sweet&sour pork and blueberry icecream crepes for dessert), to running around with the smu ppl + gm trying to find a tv to watch the Incredibles on...
I gave up on that and am sitting sleepily on my bed now, attempting not to fall asleep!!
Oh yeah and i checked my laptop and you yi msged me:
Aziraphale says (6:48 PM):
hey cheryl..
Aziraphale says (6:50 PM):
dear, i love you still and frankly i still want to make a life with you.
Aziraphale says (6:52 PM):
havent really talked to you what seems like a long time... i miss you..
Aziraphale says (6:55 PM):
i know i'm not being "just a friend" so i'm sorry
Aziraphale says (6:59 PM):
i want to make our life together.. that hasnt changed...alright, so i'm waiting for you.. i'm not asking.. just waiting and praying and hoping.
Aziraphale says (6:59 PM):
bye
Mmm...... i don't know what to say... You yi and i fell for each other hard and fast. our passion ran high and our love was intense. But that is the past now... Yi-xian takes his time (emotionally at least... physically, i looovveee his kisses! I swear we can kiss for half an hour non-stop!!) but now he says he's ready to be committed. And you yi still wants to "make a life with me".
But i'm quite happy being 'single' right now :p yeah... lots of friends and no strings... hah. I wanna dance some more!! i miss partying! So i'm gonna try and hold it off as long as possible until i'm ready, & until my school for next sem is decided... in the meantime, no holds barred! ;)
5:42 AM