Monday, March 26, 2007

oh f*** f*** f*** f*** f***.... Why couldn't i leave well enough alone?! Why??? Why did i have to miss him so and search for his blog once more? Why did i have to READ it dammit?!

I don't even know if this is his blog alone or his blog with qing, because its all about her... all about the girl who's 90% perfect for him whom he left to come here. She whom he still chats with online, she who still holds his heart...

All i read was one and a half posts. Just that and i couldn't bring myself to go on anymore... Couldn't bear to see the depth of feeling he possessed (possesses?) for her! Blood rushed to my head and I could barely breathe. My lungs tense up, but i will not cry. I WILL NOT!! I am not jealous, really. All I am is sad... So very very sad that he will never feel that way for me. So sad that though i thought he was coming to like me, it is absolutely nothing compared to how he felt/feels for wei qing. Why? Why do i torture myself so??? I cooked dinner, waiting for his call or even an sms to tell me he was back from outfield so i could bring the food to him. Waiting... waiting... I waited until 11pm. Until i couldn't take it anymore and was beside myself with anxiety. So i messaged brendt to ask if he was back and he was... he's been back since this afternoon.

I am... not the one for him. And he is not the one for me. When i go back to singapore, i will get back together with you yi and forget all about the beautiful boy named ng yi-xian.

For now... I will immerse myself in my own activities and stay as far away as possible from Alderman dorms and his blasted big eyes.

12:19 PM

Cheryl Kong

SNGPS/RGS/RJC/SMU/UVA

~*dancer*lover*dreamer*~




1. Go on exchange
2. Transfer to UVA
3. Visit the SPCA here at c'ville
4. Skydive & Whitewater raft
5. READ THE PAPERS DAILY!

• my sister
  
• my best friend
  
• my captain
  
  
• Channel News Asia
  
• Wall Street Journal
  
• Forbes
  
  
• Wikipedia
  

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fairies are dancing

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