Sunday, March 18, 2007
It's been so long since I've last blogged... Wow. So much has happened since then that I really don't know how to start... I wish I had blogged more so that I'd be able to remember more of what happened this past 9 months or so in the future. But all I have left are my unreliable memories of my life :P
Anyway, i feel different.
Not different different -the core of myself is still the same, i believe- yet the experiences that have enriched my life settle down layer upon layer onto my soul... In fact, at this very point in time, i feel very much myself. Like even though I'm doing things most people would consider wrong, i feel... happy. (just goes to show that i'm sinful by nature, haha). I know this state can't last, but i'm trying to enjoy it while it does.
Glancing back at my past entries, i can vividly remember all the angst and the pain that i channelled into this blog to keep them from spilling over in reality, yet it also brings to mind the beautiful parts of the life I had then (which i selfishly kept for myself to revel in then rather than blogging them down for later); such as the thrill of being in a canoepolo match, the happiness of liking someone and having that someone like you back (even though that didn't work out.lol), the camaraderie of friends etc etc.
I'm a lot less angsty now... Actually, i don't think I'm angsty at all!! Lol. Still a little insecure (ie i get jealous and possessive), but I'm really trying hard not to be!!! And succeeding somewhat i think :) Come on, when my (ex)boyfriend tells me that he was close enough to some other girl LAST semester (he didn't tell me about it then) for her to tell him she likes him, and when i stumble across facebook messages between him and another girl whom he used to watch porn with saying perhaps they should start seeing each other, i believe i have sufficient reason to get jealous right? But i'm fine, considering...
We broke up because:
1. I needed space.
2. I really feel he needs to get a life that does not revolve entirely around me (i know its sweet, but its also very unhealthy!)
3. I'm not willing to give up as much for him as he is for me (it's unfair to him... perhaps there's another girl out there who could give him more without me around?)
4. I'm torn.
Anyways, I don't know... It may/maynot be a permanent break up as we still have feelings for each other, but i guess this is like some time off. After all, we'd definitely still be travelling together in summer! So... :p
I realise I'm still an escapist at heart :P I used to escape through books -i relish good novels- and competitive sports, but now it appears i have neither =/ school has left me too busy to read and i simply haven't found another good sport yet. Instead, my mind has sought its own escape through dreams. Its *almost* as good as books coz i get to be in the story :) the only shortcoming is that dreams last for only minutes at a time, and i have to wake up.
Mmm... I realise i haven't updated my future self reading this blog as to my status!
I'm currently on exchange to the Mcintire School of Commerce, UVA, applying for transfer to finish the rest of my degree here :) *pray for the finances to do so*
I stay at the International Residential College (IRC, Gwathmey) and it's the coolest place to live! (we get free food very often, haha, and a lot of programs and stuff) My roommate is a very nice, hardworking ABK (American-born Korean) named Erin Kim and I admit -and feel rather guilty too- for the shocks i've given her so far :P the rest of the Singaporean ppl from SMU stay here too and we cook regularly on Wednesdays to get in touch with our roots (ie. eat Singaporean food and speak in Singlish together:)
My good friends here are mostly Singaporean (I'd like to get to know more Caucasians really... expand my horizons). Yi xian, Guan ming, Shu En, Candice... Yix is more acian than he cares to admit (but less so in some ways) and thus a danger to the female population. GM is a boy who likes to drink, smoke weed, eat, play computer games and has a lesbian poster on his wall, but he's smart and amusing nonetheless :) Shu En is the born mummy! She's small, sweet and cute, cooks awesome food and is loved by everyone. Candice and I are suprisingly similar in some ways and completely different in others :P we went on the Carnival cruise together during spring break from miami to the Cayman Islands and Jamaica and it was one of the best holidays I've had!! Actually, i realise i enjoy my holidays a lot more when they're without my parents... Lol. Anyway, we have completely different tastes in clothes and men, but we're both over-achieving Rafflesians with apparently similar goals in life =)
The courses I'm taking are mostly econ courses: International Trade, Industrial Organization, Game Theory, Money & Banking and Personality Psychology. Since grades aren't counted (YAY!!!) i'm overloading just to clear credits so my aim is not to fail each course! hahah okay la, trying to get Bs can? -grin-
The things I do here are... hmm.... Study (Club Clemons rock!), hang out with friends, PARTY, travel... I am satisfied :) Anyways, talking about the party bit, today is St. Patricks day so tonight is when everyone gets drunk! I still try not to drink (so much), but I'll be going out for a birthday party and hopefully a frat party :)
Now i remember why i don't post much... This entry took up my past one hour! Haha... As Alvin once said: your blogging rate is inversely proportional to what goes on in your life. I shall try to blog more often though and have some life to go with it :) Off to shower and party now! *smiles*
thank you Lord
7:53 AM