Wednesday, March 21, 2007
i am feeling a lot better :) alot alot better... thanks to my sweet rainbow, who brought along an apple & apologized for not being very colourful :) :) :) *HUG*
darn him! for a moment there i thought i had it all figured out... i was going to let it cool off and tell him that i don't think we can work out etc etc and go home, cry, get over it (repress it or whatever) and move on.
But he had to come over to hug me and be the sweetest guy on earth and make me think it could happen... argh... Li's right. I'm getting so soo cynical... I used to be the most optimistic, idealistic & romantic person around!! I wonder what happened, and when? I like my rainbow... *smiles happily* i can't decide if he's making me more or less cynical though! haha... i'm trying to be good for him. I really am :P
i told him aishitero. i love him but i also love you yi : how could that possibly be the case?! so li asked me who i was IN love with. And i'm really not sure. For me, just BEING with the person matters a LOT!! So i feel more for whoever's physically closer to me. A solution would be to compare who i'm happier with when they're both around, but at this point, i don't think they should be in the same state at all :p I think right now, i still love You Yi more, for all that he is, for all that we've shared... But yixian... yixian is pretty amazing :) i really need to get to know him better though... I hope he opens up to me more. He doesn't want to tell me stuff coz he feels that i would get extremely jealous but, i don't think i would anymore, so long as he makes me feel secure. Its not what he tells me that matters, but the simple fact that he's telling it to me and sharing his life with me that counts.
So.
Note to self:
be there for him. show him i love him and that that's not going to change. be myself, the self that gives my all in every relationship, but don't smother him (i feel like i'm trying to train a skittish horse or something! girls really shouldn't have to do this... haha).
love love love... begone cynicalism & jadism!
lovelovelovelovelovelove... :)
1:43 PM