Sunday, July 17, 2005
I'm at SRC now, penning down my thoughts. Just played pool with my sister and it must have been the worst games of pool i've ever played. The first i won, the second, i potted the black ball into the wrong hole so she won, and the last was absolutely spectacular!! I put the white ball in no less than 9 times in that one game, 6 of which occurred in a row. The 7th was after she herself fouled so i moved the ball into position behind the pink ball in direct line of shot and - i'm particularly proud of this one and shall add it to my list of stupidest things i've done lately - hit the white ball so that it jumped clean over the pink ball and to land squarely in the hole *applause applause*
I really had no heart to play after that... Perhaps YY's calling in the middle of the 2nd game had smthing to do with it. Sigh... Anyhow whack.
~* List of stupidest things i've done lately *~
1) playing the thumb game and shouting "ZERO!" while lifting a thumb.
(obj of the game is to shout a number and if tt no corresponds to the no of thumbs lifted, you get to remove a hand. last person to remove both hands loses.)
2) banging into the glass wall at jitters and laughing hysterically after that.
(ok i can plead temporary insanity on this coz i was coming down with the worst case of allergic reaction to smthing that i've ever had... My entire face swelled up, my eyes puffed up into slits and my nose was totally blocked while the rest of me itched like crazy... that was just the night before last actually. YY brought me home and i think he was mildly affected as well, with some asthma and sniffles *poor thing* Anyway, i went to the doc, got a shot, spent saturday at home so now i'm fine :)
3) today's pool game and the white ball incident... *shakes head and sighs*
4) Falling in love...
Crazy, stupid but utterly unavoidable all the same...
QN: why do it?
ANS: can u stop yourself from falling once u've fallen???
Sigh... His parents compared all his relationships to roads. the relationship with his first gf started out as a two way road, until the government came along and decided to turn it into a one way street instead :p the second was a road that the government later decided to tear down and erect a building on... ours was likened to an expressway. A freeway, or a highway, or whatever it's called... strange but apt. we've been hurtling along at the top of the speed limit, heedless of any barriars that have crossed our paths and literally just speeding through it without a care in the world! I feel as if we're reaching the end of the highway now and i don't know what road lies ahead... do i get off at the next stop and make my own way as i always have? if this is a race then we've been sprinting all the way and i can't help but be tired, esp since he already seems to be losing steam and i am but dragging him along in a desperate bid to reach the finish line and complete our journey...
Perhaps our car has run low on fuel, so i've gotten off to push while he steers... whatever it is, our honeymoon seems to be over and we're plunging back into the real world of cops and robbers; people and places that won't leave us be. So our feelings are changing, our relationship evolving; but whether it's in a good or bad way still remains to be seen... :S
At any rate, i believe this momentary loss of steam can be attributed to his sackload of work and all the stress he's undergoing at the moment *hugs* don't sweat the small stuff darling... i know you feel responsible for what went wrong, but don't look a gift horse in the mouth / don't invite trouble. if your mdm says it's alright, then it's alright! Wanting to be punished when someone has already forgiven you is fruitless masochism (this can be applied to your spiritual walk with God as well...)
Anyway, his commissioning parade occurs this sunday so what happens after is up to him. learn how to court a girl darling... pressure cooker ;)
I think another reason for the dampening of our fire may be the flagging of my relationship with God. *forgive me Lord & make me whole*...
Truly, God is LOVE. & without God, there is no love. So as the distance between us grows, so too does the strength of His love fade from within me. Your love on earth complements you, while God completes you. Without God, i think our relationship would be an empty one.. A husk that promises love but delivers naught. I need to get back to reading the Bible at night... Spend more time getting to know Him and deepening our relationship. God is the center of my life. Let our love be true and be the fire that casts its warmth and light on those around me.
Amen...
5:43 PM