Monday, April 25, 2005

Suddenly, i don't feel like dancing anymore... I don't feel like going union, i don't feel like joining e comp... I feel empty and listless, born about in a fickle wind that refuses to bring me home.

I am not 'chio', beautiful, cute, sexy, attractive, sweet, intelligent, funny, pretty, athletic, slim, nor fit... So what am i? Sometimes, it seems like God's the only one who cares, which isn't all that special either since He cares for the 8 other billion people on earth.

And now i'm back at work.

Shut off, isolated and alone.

Not knowing, not doing, not feeling... I feel as if i'm trapped in a cocoon, suffocating and helpless, where everyone else can see me but i don't mean anything. I wonder what maee/mummy would do if i just quit now? If i just ran out, tear out of the building in a flurry of suppressed spirit? Would they kill me? No i'm already dead. Would they hurt me? No i'm already engulfed in pain.

Sometimes, I just want to get a rich husband. haha. But what would i do then? Would my life be meaningless as i turn into a fat tai-tai? *sees visions of a older, harried self swarming with uncontrollable kids* I just want a job which makes me happy where i can make other ppl happy as well... earn enough money to pay for books, housing, clothing, food and the courses i want to take; live cozily surrounded by family and friends... somehow, in all my imaginations of the future, i'm always living my myself in a cozy apartment. why is that??

Anyway, i'm more awake now (aft porshee msged "so you like him!" aft i msged him that i didn't! *roll eyes*). less gloomy and climbing out of the dumps :P hey! i realised... i've still got porshee and kenneth!! both of whom i'm totally comfortable with and like very much *grinz* perhaps one day aft lots of practice, they'd be as sexy as eddie n luther!! haha! who knows? =)

8:35 AM

Cheryl Kong

SNGPS/RGS/RJC/SMU/UVA

~*dancer*lover*dreamer*~




1. Go on exchange
2. Transfer to UVA
3. Visit the SPCA here at c'ville
4. Skydive & Whitewater raft
5. READ THE PAPERS DAILY!

• my sister
  
• my best friend
  
• my captain
  
  
• Channel News Asia
  
• Wall Street Journal
  
• Forbes
  
  
• Wikipedia
  

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date: 05/04/2003 - 05/11/2003
date: 05/11/2003 - 05/18/2003
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fairies are dancing

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