Thursday, April 21, 2005
My plant is dying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Argh i have purple thumbs!! I must be the only person in the entire world who can make a potted plant die in 3 wks using water, plant food and TLC.... *sobs* Maybe it doesn't like me... Maybe if I just leave it alone for like one month then it will start to bloom... :P bleah!
Eddie is nice! He's my new dance partner for the cha cha competition. Strangely enough, I only met him the friday before last, when he first asked me to dance.. Which means I've only met him twice! :P I mean, I've seen him around before, but he appeared rather out of my league, being part of Luther's dance performance team and all; so it's not that I didn't know who he was (li danced with him before like AGES ago), but i just hadn't met him before then.
Two days ago (tues), I was totally freaking out about the prospect of dancing with a total stranger. ie, entering a competition with him which means lots of one-on-one prac for the next two months... Yes. I don't know if I should be filled with glee or filled with dread. Probably both! :p Glee coz he's super nice, cute, sweet as well as a great dancer; dread coz I don't know him at all!!! So far, all I've gathered is that he's 23, currently in Air Force and been dancing salsa for the last 2 years, 1+ of which has been with Luther's performance team. How little is that?!?!!
Sigh... After half an hour of pouring out my anxiety on li (thank you!!) and one hour of sleep on the bus to yio chu kang fr tampines, i felt a lot better :P that old adage that one should "go to sleep, everything will be fine in the morning", is certainly not untrue! Not quite true either though, since it's more stress relief than problem solving ;)
Anyway, I have since resigned myself to whatever God has in store for my future... I look forward to partnering Eddie and I am tremendously excited over taking part in an actual dance competition!!!!! Whee!! That is, when i am not worried to pieces about it... haha. Firstly, we haven't really really really decided on a dance yet.. Cha cha is almost definite (note: almost!), but should we try for another one? Like Rumba for instance??? (Rumba is cooooooollllllllll............... *fastfast slloowww... fastfast slloooowwwwww*) hehheh. And then, I may not be totally stressed out anymore about partnering eddie, but still, I can't help being worried...
Worried that we won't click... Worried that we'd remain painfully polite strangers thru e entire duration... Worried that our conversation would be stilted and awkward. worried that i'll be too short for him, or too lousy... which is where my consience kicks in and screams "SELFISH!!!!!" i mean, i'm sure there are tons of other girls who would looovveee to dance with eddie (like, who wouldn't?? :P); and most of them probably taller, prettier and better dancers than i (eg. stephanie / other performance team girls)... Just that I happened to get to him first!
Apart fr him being nice, saying 'no' to a girl is practically unheard of in a social dancing context! (unless the guy is a total meanie, in which case u shouldn't want to dance with him anyway!;) just for example, even if porshee doesn't find the girl who told him abt this comp and asked him to partner her cute (which he does!), he can't tell her no then turn around and join with another girl. Thus it falls to the girl to ensure that she isn't selfishly shackling the guy to an unwanted partnership... ie, me.
Hence, my dilemna! Firstly, despite all my worries and fears that things won't work out, I DO want to partner Eddie! BUT, i have absolutely no way of knowing if he wants to partner me back!! So against that *loud* inner voice of mine that's aghast at my stupidity and longing to bang my head against the wall for looking a gift-horse in the mouth, I intend to talk to eddie tmr, and try to discern his true feelings in the matter... Problem is, he is such a nice guy, that i'm afraid he might discard his own inner voices in favor of what he should be doing (ie, partnering me), in which case, I'll feel absolutely terrible!!! But how am I to know either way???? I'm not at all psychic (haha, can't decide if that'll be a horror or a wonder), and i don't want to dig too deep (hey i can't utterly ignore my own inner voices can i??;) so how should i approach the situation? All I know so far is that he thinks i'm young!! Which, trust me, is NOT a good thing!
Sigh... a part of me wishes he would just see this post and comment honestly, then all my problems will be solved!! Unfortunately, that would just create new problems like, "what?! he read my blog?!?!??! oh i'll never be able to look him in the eye again" kind of problems. Haha.
Isn't life interesting... :p
8:35 AM