Monday, January 05, 2004
The Winds of Change are blowing.
The signpost is spinning, swinging madly around like a child's toy run amok.
Frozen, i stand.
Helpless, i stare.
Waiting...
Waiting.
Something happened last night. I don't know if it's a good smthing or a bad smthing... Just... something. yepz. i talked to him, basically, at li's advice. and he mentioned how busy he had been the past few days so i threw caution out of the window, saying "oh, i was wondering why u'd been so distant lately...... was it because of what i said?" *holds breath* n he said tt he also wanted to put sm distance so tt i'd b able to concentrate on my studies (apart fr his own being busy that is). After a while, he also added tt bit abt his being buddhist n my, christian. which means he did understand my implication during that conversation. :p yeah then we digressed a little... talked abt buddhism n taoism... before returning to the topic at hand. when he repeated once more abt wanting me to concentrate on my studies, i couldn't help it, i had to say it...
"But how can i study if i'm missing you all the time??"
i have no idea what made me say that... it just kinda burst out from deep inside. n tho i don't exactly regret having said it, looking back, it does seem a little... over the top :p yes. it seems also like i don't really miss miss him the way one would miss someone you like... or mebbe i've gotten used to it i don't notice it? coz he's always at the back of my mind. but i seem to have... accepted it, somehow. interesting.
arghz.............. i'm so tired of just talking abt this n writing about this! bleah... there's so much other stuff tt i want to say... like school n ssc and all..!! but after writing abt this, i don't feel much like writing any more =(
dang...
10:26 PM