Friday, July 25, 2003
A J2 counsellor of Raffles Junior College has committed suicide.
please don't let it be true, please......
who am i pleading to?
God...
God?
why????
She had the sweetest smile, that would spread across her face, a genuine light of warmth touching her eyes...
Justina.
Before, she would smile when we passed in the haunting corridors of her school.
Before..
The canteen is hushed
like with her passing a light went out
and the world is dim, the school shroud in darkness and gloom
people cry, sobbing softly. wondering, wondering, we'll never know.
wandering around, aimlessly
students turned inward, no smiles grace the walls
I haven't smiled since morning
with a frown etched on my brow
sobbing crying weeping,
i never knew her.
now i hear the happy voices,
washing, flowing over me,
lecture has been cancelled,
but how can they rejoice?
a life has been taken
a soul.. damned for eternity
teachers have an emergency meeting, i stay... and wonder.
Why did she take her life? Why?? I suppose I'll never know. I don't understand! and... i understand....
pretend i didn't.
how could she take her life?
desecrating, destroying,
the temple of her soul.
why would one harm oneself?
tossing out the gift,
erasing all the strife,
throwing out the present,
dumping out the life.
yet i understand,
and i emphatise.
we'll never know, all the problems,
hurt, stress, despair
that plagued her, drove her.
and i understand why she'd done it,
tired of all the life,
tired of all the fighting,
tired of pain, the mercy knife.
I understand why she'd do it
to finally ease the pain
a sharpness to part and open,
release all the hurt and
it flows, a stream of red and warmth
feeling so good, to finally let go
free-falling, from a height,
to live a dream of flying,
a freedom to die.
or disdain the air that lives us,
the air that gives us life.
just stop breathing, lungs collapsing
a blanket drawn over you.
sleep...
and the air will poison you
slowly lulling you and
welcome the darkness,
the specter taking your hand
leading you away,
tucking you to bed...
peace.
for I've thought of it before,
many times Love's stayed my hand,
never thought there'd be another,
who would stand before my door.
for i never took the handle,
never turned the fateful knob.
but now the door is open,
left ajar for all to see,
the life that walks away from us, the soul that'll never be.
I can feel it.
This dog of doubt chewing my heart away.
I can feel it.
This terrible weight of despair chewing me up from inside.
I can touch it.
A numbness too great, too heavy to bear.
I can smell it.
The stench of death clouding me, choking me.
I can taste it.
A metallic tang of blood, sweet and bitter on my tongue.
And I hear it.
Voices of madness, whispering in my ear,
filling, echoing in my head... rushing, rushing...
Tension.
It is killing me.
Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear
Of silent nights
Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming
The goddess of imaginary light
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullaby
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me
If you need to leave the world you live in
Lay your head down and stay a while
Though you may not remember dreaming
Something waits for you to breathe again
"Imaginary - Evanescence"
11:35 AM