Sunday, July 27, 2003
at the rate i've been posting stuff, i should have just joined the blogathon~!! :P
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *SOBS* they're coming to orchard for dinner... like NOW!!!!!!!! 'they' meaning paddle culture plue *ahem ahem*!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT I CAN'T GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cries*
wth?!?!??!?!?! i like LIVE at orchard!!!!!! so so SO near yet he's so far away i might as well not exist~!! *reaches out and clutches... emptiness* i have TWO chances.. most people don't even get the second but i've a third..!! tonight's dinner plus his flight at 6am tmr morning.
*miserable look* now... it almost seems as if fate is handing me this opportunity on a golden platter... and i turn away. Every tiny, miniscule movement i make sending shooting pains through my heart... first, it started to rain heavily around six... at about quarter to seven, my econs tutor msged to cancel our 8 o'clock tuition because of the heavy downpour. At a little past seven, i couldn't contain my yearning anymore and msged dao jia, casually inquiring if it was raining at paddle culture as well and how things were going. I suppose i was more... obvious about it than i thought yesterday :P Yep, after DJ recieved my msg he called mi to tell mi that they were going to orchard for dinner n didn't i live near there? why not ask andrew if i could join them.... *sobs*
and of course, i can't........... actually, i could. i could call mummy to ask if i could go out, just for a liTTle while, to say bye.... she MIGHT say yes.. i don't know really, but there is that distinct possibility that she might agree.. albeit reluctantly.
BUT asking to go out with pc when i initially couldn't join her n sui khoo for dinner would further aggravate our situation, be her answer yea or nay. for one thing, she has already decided that sea sports is taking up too much of my time and eating steadily into my studies.. her and papa both! so spending more time with them, insignificant though the time frame may be, will stay in their minds as an example... another tiny little grain placed on the top of a mountain of sand that will collapse anytime. So no matter how how MUCH i am taken / besotted / smitten by Kenta Hoya, no matter how MUCH it tears me up inside to admit it, i must be practical *spits out tt disgusting word* and think long term, for i will NOT give up SSC for a momentary infatuation!! *hugs sea sports fiercely
Of course, there is the other option of going out now... secretly, without my parents' knowledge... for they are, after all, out for dinner with sui khoo n my grandparents as well. only my brother, sister and maid are at home... and they won't tell if i decided to leave, my parents would never find out...
God knows...
Oh how tempting the thought! How tantalizing the delicious, juicy Fruit of Sin...!! Am i to be like Eve?? Mesmerised by the lucious forbidden Fruit and utterly beguiled by the Serpent that i turn a deaf ear to the warnings of God??! That i turn my back on the many trees laden with delicious fodder and reach out, touching, almost touching that smooth enchanting skin of the Fruit.... Alas no! for Jesus has taken my sin upon the cross and suffered for it. Now He lives within my heart and I will live up to Him, for I love him and fear God.. *watches my heart shrivel up into a pile of gray ash*
And then there is tomorrow... his flight leaves at 6, which means i can go to the airport and after that to school without anyone the wiser. But then, there is this TEENY matter of me living under my parent's roof..? :p it is times like this i WISH so badly i can tAsTe it, that i lived by myself... independently. BOOHHOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *BAWL*
sniff.... sniff.... *sad sad look* *thinks of them in orchard right now... 2 bus stops away* *curls up in an out-of-the-way corner and weeps*
to ppl reading my blog
sorry for going on and on about him, but it's MY blog and i can write whatever i want, so there! ;P
So help me... i'm completely love-struck okay?!? *grumble mumble* :p
8:34 PM