Monday, June 16, 2003
good morning me... and whoever's reading my blog... *yawn*... i'm not a *yawn* morning *yawn* person... haven't been arnd the whole weekend though, so i got alotta stuff to update this thing on... forgive me if i sound less than enthusiastic. i'm still in my pajamas, n its drizzling outside, the perfect weather for sleeping... sighz...
okies... i might as well start fr e topic dat fits my not-so-upbeat mood... right. talked to ernie last night n sorted things out. more or less. haiz... i'm such a shithead. i started e conversation trying to sound normal, but he didn't, he already sounded apprehensive, n asked mi what it was i wanted to tell him. so i told him that he meant a lot to me, juz.. not in the way he wanted it to *thanks li for this* i thought for a moment tt he might cry... *i feel my heart bleeding* he certainly sounded tt way. he persisted, saying he was sorry for tt night, n he wanted mi to forget what he said then coz he'd been taking things too fast so now he'll take things slower. i hated myself for saying this but i had to. i had to. giving him false hope would be subjecting him to slow torture *my soul cries out in wordless agony* so i made it clear... i made it clear i wanted our friendship to remain as friendship. JUST friendship without taking it another step further. ever...
... i wonder if i've just made the biggest mistake of my life... will i look back on this day 10yrs in the future, lonely, unwanted... finally seeing things the way i never could now... aching, wishing i were with him...?
ah but the glories of hindsight leaves much to be desired.
it has happened.
i can't change it.
we can only move forward.
whatever happens, will happen.
n that's that!
btw. forget all tt blabbering i did abt 'still' liking cf, i don't like him tt way n i'm juz being posessive :P (i'm posessive of u too li~) met his family though (including all e extended aunties n uncles) coz they were having a picnic on sat. they all thot i was his gf but i set them straight ;P
on to cheerier stuff... [don't even think i'm awake/happy now...]
LOTR WON A WHOLE BUNCH OF STUFF AT MTV AWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *gRinZ gRinZ gRinZ* including BEST ON SCREEN TEAM (frodo, sam n gollum), BEST COMPUTER GENERATED CREATURE (gollum n i'm not sure if i got e award rite but u get d picture..), and........ *drumroll* BEST MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *squeal scream shriek screech* *hugs li, delia n all the super lotr fans* *dances around in uplifted ecstacy* last night at least... however, colin farrell beat legolassy for best new transatlantic face (something like tt)... i TOLD her he would ;) n emimnem beat aragorn *fans herself n sighs dreamily* for e best actor award... i told her he would too :P however much i'd like viggo mortenson to win, emimnem was good =)
oh and the weekend was absolutely SUPERB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *even BIGgER gRinZ* :D :D :D :D :D :D we had e canoepolo competitions (our first!! :D) at pc fr sat afternoon to sun morning~ *whew!* hahaha!! it was totally AWESOME! (ugh, tt sounded like some hung up american junkie :P no offense) i'm sooo PROUD of our guys!!!!!!!! *big beeeggg BIG hApPy gRinZ* =D they played like pros i tell you... e other participating schools (who have all trained for at LEAST a year) were shocked when they found out we've only started 3mths ago!! :P -smile smile smile smilez- i am just so proud of them, esp cai fong, who WON THE MEN'S LONG-SHOT COMPETITIONS~!!!!!!!!!! *jumps leaps n prances across the universe in delight* hahahahahaha! cheng was shocked man!! and cf being the 'still waters run deep' guy he is, never gloated or even mentioned it!! abiel was the one who told mi when i arrived back the next morning =D =D =D also heard abt andee's amazing triple roll, where he got pushed, lost e ball, rolled, gained e ball, threw n rolled again~ *blinks in wonder* alvin too, he played all e games except one coz he's our fantastic keeper :D n abiel n chengyu are so on!! abiel's e most agressive of e guys... he really plays like those pros :D :D wah liao, they improved SOOOO MUCH!!! by next year they'll give white (e national team) a TOUGH fight!!!!!! *happy joyous gRinZ* =D have i said how proud of them i am??? ;P *loves all e ssc guys to bits!*
yeah girls!! i didn't see e midnight matches, but according to cheng, we improved a lot too!!!! :D (or at least, u gals did since i wasn't there) ;p n yippee for our new trainer vivian fr nus!!! :D haha! we shall beat TP next month k..? ;) lol.
i love sea sports club...
9:40 AM